


timelines and sceneries

by revengeavenue



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe - 1980s, Concerts, Falling In Love, First Meetings, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Happy, Kissing, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Moving In Together, Nostalgia, Period-Typical Homophobia, Punk, Relationship Discussions, Road Trips, Romantic Fluff, Time Skips, Timelines, finding happiness and figuring life out basically, i mention blondie about twenty times, it's cute as hell, lots of kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-13 16:53:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 41,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9132958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revengeavenue/pseuds/revengeavenue
Summary: "My brain wants everything to be figured out so it can stop worrying about what life will be like in ten years or so," Frank admitted. "Time is such a weird thing, because one moment, you're young and dependent on your parents, then... boom. You're graduated and everything matters all at once. Time is consistent. It doesn't slow down, or speed up at all; our perception of it does."





	

**Author's Note:**

> One record is all it takes to begin an entire timeline of events.
> 
> 8tracks mixtape: https://8tracks.com/revengeavenue/timelines-and-sceneries

_June 11, 1981_

Gerard was determined to make it to the record shop, even if it fucking killed him. It was near impossible to cross streets in Jersey; the traffic seemed never ending in both directions. It was a bit ridiculous, considering the school year was over and summer had finally arrived again. Everybody in town had work, he guessed.

It was something like nine in the morning, and Gerard really wasn't too sure why he felt the urge to expand his record collection so early in the day. Perhaps he was bored already, but it was only two weeks into his very last summer break as a high school student. He wasn't too sure how to feel about that. Intimidated was what he felt over anything else, because what could he possibly do to make a couple months worthwhile? He really didn't want to waste it all on shitty daytime television shows and far too many naps.

Gerard wanted to do some writing, practice drawing comics, and maybe join a band or something. That last one was a bit of a stretch, but the eighteen year old adored punk more than anything. He just didn't feel as though he would have much to bring to the table in a band. Gerard could sing alright, he didn't think it was anything spectacular though. It served more as a pipe dream than anything, he reckoned.

Looking ahead, Gerard realized just how much time he had to do whatever he wanted to do. He didn't have a job, and he didn't want one. His parents weren't pushing him to get one, so he decided to take the summer off. This left him with nearly three entire months to get better at his art, which was all he really wanted out of it.

On the slow walk to his destination, he thought about making a list of things he wanted to accomplish. Maybe seeing everything on paper would help him prioritize his work. Gerard smiled to himself, god, he was full of great ideas. He was in for a damn good summer, he hoped.

It took him a few minutes, but eventually Gerard became alert enough to take in his surroundings. That day felt new, it felt fresh and he felt so alive. Perhaps he finally was getting an adequate amount of sleep, or perhaps it was only a mere coincidence; it didn't really matter. The sky looked as if its hues were a bit brighter than usual, and there wasn't a single dark cloud visible. The shops were opening for the day; the people leaving the attached apartment for their business downstairs. Flower pots sat outside on the sidewalk, mainly for aesthetic, but Gerard hoped that they were being properly cared for.

That morning felt like waking up. The fresh morning breeze brushed past his face, and threaded through his inky black hair. He felt the comforting heat of the sun on his back; his black Ramones shirt attracting the morning rays.

He rounded the corner and the shop's sign quickly came into view. It was Gerard's favorite record store, simply because they always had the best selection - he considered himself a regular there. Hell, he knew quite a few of the employees by name. He was usually afraid to speak to them, but he did initiate conversations on occasion. He was quite shy, after all.

When he pushed the door open and walked through, the bell jangled above his head, signaling his presence to the person at the counter. It was a balding guy with two tattoo sleeves, who always looked tired. Gerard gave him a little wave, then turned to walk down the 'rock' aisle.

Judging by the lack of noise, he seemed to be the only customer there at the time. He smiled to himself as he begun to flick through a stack, because he hated when there was another person next to him trying to sing along to whatever was playing over the store's speakers. Today, it was Stevie Nicks, which he didn't mind much at all. As long as he didn't have to listen to some stranger sing along, he was fine.

He found some Blondie that he didn't already have, adding it to what would be the pile next to him. There wasn't anything in particular he was looking for, so he lazily flipped through the stacks, stopping every so often to pull out a record and inspect it. Gerard did just that until he had about six records. He had finally made it to the last stack when he saw the record.

It was _Juju_ , the new Siouxsie and the Banshees record. It was brand fucking new, and Gerard almost forgot about it until he laid his eyes upon it. As he was reached for it, he heard a voice coming from behind him.

"No way! I thought I'd never find that record." The voice came from a short kid behind him, who looked as if he belonged in a punk band. He had a black faux mohawk looking thing on his head, and the sides were dyed white. He wore a leather jacket with all kinds of buttons and various sizes of safety pins adoring it. Gerard had never seen anyone quite like him before; Newark didn't seem to have a punk scene of its own just yet.

Gerard didn't know what to say, simply because this guy was a stranger, but he seemed like a cool stranger. He obviously had very similar interests to Gerard's own, and that was something that he found hard to come by.

Gerard decided to try to be a sociable human being. "Yeah, me too," he replied meekly, then flashed a smile, and he silently hoped that he didn't come across as awkward. The thought didn't enter Gerard's mind, but he cared so much about what a complete utter stranger thought, which couldn't be good at all.

"Shit, is that the only copy?" The stranger asks, his voice is soft and kind. He looks at the record in Gerard's hands with big eyes.

Gerard was ready to hand over the album to him, for some fucking reason that not even he himself knew. "Uh, yeah, I think so. You can have it if you'd like?"

"Oh no, you keep it. I'm sure I'll find another copy somewhere," he said, eyeing Gerard in a way that made him squirm.

Gerard panicked, because the guy obviously cared about the album a lot, and perhaps he was a bit too nice as well. "Wanna listen to it with me? I mean you don't have to but I was just thinking-"

The stranger cut him off. "You know, that would be pretty cool. My name's Frank, by the way," he said with a smile: a nice one, at that.

Gerard's heart was beating erratically: perhaps he wasn't as used to human contact as he thought he was. That, or Frank was seriously a diamond in the rough, because he kinda felt like he was going to be dead on the floor of that record store. Something was a little odd about the situation, but Gerard tried not to think too much of it. It wasn't like he was asking Frank out, and it wasn't like he wanted to.

"O-Okay, I'm Gerard," he replied, the record still in his hands. "Let's go pay then!"

-

They both paid for their records, and bid goodbye to the cashier who kinda looked like he hated his job. Gerard would've killed to work in a record shop, seriously.

Gerard thought that Frank seemed a bit strange after spending more than a few minutes with him, but he dismissed the intrusive thought immediately; he hated how judgmental he could be at times. He wasn't very used to meeting people outside of school, so it was a new experience for him entirely. Perhaps he just needed to stop his brain from being so obsessive over every little detail. That's what made him an artist though, so he couldn't possibly stop it altogether.

Frank could tell that Gerard was on the antisocial side of things. After all, it didn't take much to figure it out. He stuttered a bit, and thought about what he was going to say while Frank was talking. It was easy to pick up on for Frank, who spent a majority of his time talking to people at gigs. He enjoyed the company of others, while Gerard really didn't.

"So you do art stuff? Like what?" Frank asked, suddenly becoming interested in what this guy did in his free time. He had good fucking music taste, so there was bound to be more that they had in common.

Gerard bit his lip mindlessly, "yeah, I mainly draw comics and stuff, but I also write a little bit too."

Frank thought that was the coolest fucking shit ever. "Seriously? Wow, that's fucking awesome. I play guitar, although I'm not very good at the moment. Wanna go to mine so we can spin this new record and maybe I'll play a song or two for you?"

That sounded like a done deal to Gerard, yet he was worried that his mom wouldn't know where he was. God, he felt so lame.

He decided to just go for it, since he didn't plan to be very long anyway. "That sounds great... hey, maybe I'll show you some of my stuff sometime," Gerard said with a grin, but he didn't really know why he offered to so quickly. He usually didn't flaunt his art about - he preferred to keep it hidden away, much like himself as a whole.

Frank looked up at him, suddenly feeling very short. "You better! You know, this might sound fucking strange, but I haven't met someone like you in a long time."

"I haven't met anyone in a long time." Gerard's self deprecating humor was starting to shine through, and oh god, he hoped Frank could appreciate it. "I hardly leave the house," he added with a tiny laugh.

There was a microscopic window of silence that drove Gerard's brain absolutely wild, and Frank just smiled at him. "Can't say I relate, though I do understand. I've got a couple of friends who are like you in that sense. They never want to go anywhere with me, no matter how much I bug them. Guess it's just an antisocial thing," he said with his hands in his pockets.

Gerard felt the need to impress Frank for a reason that he couldn't quite identify. There was something about him that was giving Gerard a weird kind of vibe, and he wasn't too sure if it was positive or negative. He always had a tough time reading people, mostly due to his lack of social skills. "That's pretty much how I am, even though I do really like to go places and see things. Maybe you can help me out of my comfort zone... since you're all over place and shit."

"I can help you with that. We can go to concerts and stuff, it'll be fucking awesome!" Frank sounded really excited for their future plans, and Gerard was getting that strange feeling in his stomach that he always got when he was nervous. How did Frank take a liking to him so quickly? Gerard couldn't recall the last time someone was so enthusiastic about spending time with him.

Frank was walking backwards at this point, looking up at the blue sky. Gerard wondered where the hell he lived - it felt like they had been walking for ages. Minutes passed with little conversation, and they finally reached Frank's house. It was a Victorian-era two story with a bit more character than its neighboring houses. Gerard wondered how far it was from his own house.

He walked up the porch steps and right through the front door, ushering Gerard inside behind him. "Parents are at work. I have no siblings, so I'm pretty much by myself all day if I decide not to go out. It's pretty nice."

Gerard nodded and smiled, "I have a little brother, consider yourself lucky," he said, following Frank into his kitchen.

"Really? How much younger?" Frank wanted to know how old Gerard was, but didn't particularly want to come right out and ask, so he was hoping that he'd offer up that information himself. He felt like Gerard was older than him, although he couldn't tell by how much.

"Three years. He's fifteen, and I just turned eighteen not too long ago. I still don't feel like I'm that old, though," Gerard replied, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed, while Frank fumbled around what looked to be a coffee pot.

Frank laughed, "now I feel like a baby! I'm only seventeen. I also go to Catholic school, where they shelter the fuck out of everybody. You go a little crazy once you get out because of that shit." He turned on the coffee maker and the rich scent began to fill the kitchen. "I hope you like coffee, because this thing makes literally twelve fucking cups at a time."

Gerard looked at him for a moment, realizing why he'd never seen Frank around at school before. They didn't even go to the same one. "I can't imagine you at a catholic school. And I do, I'm pretty sure my blood is coffee."

"We have a lot in common, like where the hell were you all this time?" Frank was waiting to jolt awake in any moment, because he felt like he was dreaming. He easily could've been making a big deal out of nothing, though he couldn't chase the feeling he had in his gut that Gerard was someone really fucking special. He had never felt such a way about another guy before, which should've been a sign to him. The seventeen year old neglected to bring that to his own attention.

Gerard smiled a genuine smile, one that made it all the way to his eyes; little crinkles showing and all. "I don't know, honestly. I could say the same for you."

Frank handed him a cup of black coffee and Gerard could've kissed him right there, but he didn't, because he couldn't. Not that there was something stopping him: there wasn't, and that alone was a nice thought. He stared at Frank's lips the entire time they talked in his bedroom, which was a certain type of cosy that Gerard's room was not.

They played the new Siouxsie record, and both fell in love with each and every one of the songs. When it ended and there was only the sound of crackling filling the coffee scented room, Frank got up from his comfortable spot on his bedroom floor.

"Wow, that's all I can say. That's some good fucking shit." Gerard turned his body towards to the person who he met only an hour or two ago, and my god: it felt like so much longer than that. He felt himself coming out of the shell he hopelessly hid himself away in whenever he met new people.

Frank took one last sip of his now cold cup of coffee, "yeah... anyway." He put the mug down in front of him and traced his finger around the rim absentmindedly. "How's about some more records?"

Gerard stood up and stretched his legs. "What d'you got?"

"Shitload of records over there, your pick." Frank made a hand gesture towards the bookshelf which held his precious records. He just didn't feel like getting up, plus he wanted to see what Gerard would pick out of his collection.

Gerard saw where Frank was talking about, amongst all the knick knacks and intricately placed clutter in his room. The bookshelf had to have a hundred records, maybe more. "Are these alphabetized?" Gerard asked, because they appeared to be, and wow: Frank must've had a lot of time on his hands.

"Yep. Some of them aren't mine, they're my parent's, or they were given to me from friends," he replied, glancing around the room for his guitar. It was propped up against his wooden desk. He got up and took it out of its case while Gerard searched for something to listen to.

Gerard got to 'B' and found Blondie, pulling out their album _Plastic Letters_ from the bookshelf. He loved that album more than he loved himself, he reckoned. "We're listening to this." It came out as a command, yet Gerard didn't give a fuck. He just wanted to listen to Blondie.

Frank turned around and saw Gerard holding the record, and he smiled. He set his guitar down, picking up his polaroid camera on his desk. As Gerard put the record on the turntable and placed the needle, Frank was looking through the viewfinder. He quickly snapped a picture.

The record crackled for a few seconds, then started playing. Frank took the picture and shook it, causing Gerard to look over.

"Did you take a picture of me?" There was something in his eyes that Frank couldn't draw his eyes away from even if he tried.

He blushed, "yeah, I did. Wanna see? You looked really... cool," he said lamely. There was another word he wanted to say, but it failed him.

In the picture, Gerard's black hair was strung over his face like a curtain, but his face was still visible. He had a little smirk on his face, like he knew something that no one else did. His pale hand was holding the needle and placing it on the beginning of the record, while leaks of sunlight filtered through the blinds were splayed across his shoulders. He looked so goddamn pretty; Frank didn't know how to tell him that.

So they listened to that record, and danced a little when _Detroit 442_ came on, because they felt so alive. Gerard had to leave a little while later, and Frank completely forgot about playing his guitar. They exchanged addresses and phone numbers, and with that, parted for the first time. It certainly wouldn't be the last time.

 

_June 27, 1981_

They started to see each other nearly everyday after they met, because neither could deny that something unlike anything they ever had before was there. It was something unspoken, of course; neither wanted to speak of it. The thought of making it real loomed over their heads, taunting them every waking moment.

Some would call it a crush, and some would call it wrong. Others weren't very accepting of people like Frank and Gerard. Those who were like them tended to hide away and pretend to not exist. They did what they had to do - they protected themselves from the hate and the violence they would receive if they were open about their sexuality.

Frank didn't assume, but he was getting some vibes from Gerard. He never talked about girls, apart from one, who he claimed as his best friend. Her name was Lindsey, and judging by what he heard about her from Gerard: she was really fucking cool. She played bass and listened to a lot of the same bands they did, and Frank kinda wanted to meet her.

Perhaps Frank was getting a little ahead of himself. He didn't know everything about Gerard just yet, he just knew that he wasn't like all the others. He was gentle and kind, as well as non-conforming. There was just something though, and it lead him to believe that Gerard wasn't exactly straight.

Frank knew too damn well that he liked guys. It was impossible to ignore, and even more impossible to be mistaken for anything else besides that. He had been over it in his head a billion times - he had it figured out, and he knew it like the back of his hand.

As for Gerard: he wasn't too sure what was going on in his head, because all his life, he was lead to believe that he could only love a woman. That's all that anyone ever presented to him, so the possibility of loving a man was unknown territory to him. He had thought about it, yes, but he didn't know where to go from that point on. Gerard was a strange kind of stuck, in a place that he couldn't ask for help without being ridiculed endlessly.

All Frank knew was that he really could get used to Gerard's pretty face, and he could get even more used to pressing his lips upon it. All Gerard knew was that Frank seemed odd, but he was drawn towards him somehow in someway. He would do anything just to figure it out, and know what exactly it was that painted Frank in such a light.

"So you wear makeup?"

Gerard had zoned out during conversation, chewing his lip and deep in thought. They were getting into some deeper topics as their friendship progressed, and they kept finding out more and more about each other with each passing day.

"Well, yeah, sometimes I guess. Lindsey put it on me for fun one time, and I kinda started liking it on myself after that. I would never go out with it on, of course, but I just think it looks good on me. Sorry if that's weird." Gerard confessed something he never thought he would to anyone but Lindsey.

"No, I don't think that's weird at all. It's... really cute actually. Do you like her?" Frank found himself asking before he could stop himself, and he kinda felt bad for bringing it up.

Gerard made a face at him. "No, no, just friends. I've known her for a long time, and I just don't think of her in that way. She's really accepting of me, you know, 'cause I'm weird and such. She even bought me my own makeup to hide in here, and I put it on when I'm alone sometimes. It makes me feel good about myself, I guess," he mumbled at the end of his sentence, suddenly fearing eye contact with Frank.

Hearing that made Frank so happy, because Gerard deserved good people in his life, he really did. "Wow, that's so nice of her. I wish I had somebody like that."

Gerard looked up at him again, this time making full eye contact. Frank had warm, kind eyes that made him feel so safe in his presence. He nodded and looked down at his carpet again, trying to make the voices in his head go away. They were yelling; they told him that Frank thought he was a fucking freak. He didn't particularly want to listen to them, not at that moment in time.

"You should put some on for me," Frank suggested, and he felt as though Gerard would immediately decline due to embarrassment of some sort. "I mean... you don't have to if you don't want to."

Gerard felt his heart sink down when those words filtered through his brain. "I-I... I'd love to, but Mikey... I think he's home."

Frank shifted from in his position: laying on Gerard's bedroom floor with a hand on the side of his head and an elbow digging into the brown carpet. "Don't worry about it then, it's really-"

"I want to though. I really do," Gerard said, standing up just a little too fast from his spot and retrieving the makeup from underneath his bed. It wasn't the greatest hiding spot ever, but it wasn't like anybody went looking there except for Gerard himself.

Safe to say, Frank was gonna fucking die. Gerard was already attractive enough without makeup, and he just sat there dumbfounded as he watched him.

He pulled over a chair and went up to his mirror, pulling apart some type of eye shadow thing. Frank got up off the floor and sat on the edge of his bed, which was directly behind Gerard. He could see Frank behind him in the mirror, so he smiled at him, and continued to put a dark blue color on both his eyelids.

There was something hypnotizing about watching Gerard apply the makeup, because Frank felt as though he left the earth for a short while. He watched as he put on black mascara and a deep red shade of lipstick, which really finished off the look. He turned around in his chair; hair falling over his eyes. A lock was caught in his lipstick, and holy fucking shit: Frank was dead. He flatlined right in Gerard's warm bedroom.

"Gee, holy shit. You're so fucking... _pretty_ ," Frank complimented him, but not without the hotness on his cheeks. He seriously felt like he was dying.

Gerard blushed in return, making Frank feel a little bit better about the current color on his own cheeks. "You... You really think so?"

"Yeah, I really do."

 

_July 4, 1981_

"Instead of going to see the fucking fireworks out in the boonies like everybody else, how about I play you some songs on my guitar?" Frank proposed his genius idea to Gerard, who was walking right next to him on the sidewalk. Their hands brushed every so often, and he had to fight the urge to just grab his hand and hold it.

Gerard looked over at Frank, and he couldn't help but notice how it felt like they'd been friends for so much longer than a month. "That sounds like way more fun than fireworks."

Frank never found the right moment to play for Gerard, mainly because all they did when they were together was sit on floors and listen to records. It was a ritual, almost, and Frank loved it. He loved spending all his time with Gerard; he deserved each and every second he devoted to him.

Gerard had been feeling different toward Frank: a weird kind of different at that. He admired the fuck out of him, yet it was getting more and more challenging for him to pass it off as that and only that. He even imagined himself kissing Frank, which should've disgusted him, but it didn't. It was quite the opposite actually.

So Frank played some songs for him, even original songs that he composed himself. It felt weird to have another person watching him, since he usually just played alone. Gerard's goddamn pretty face was kind of distracting in a way, but Frank was too scared to admit that to himself. He hummed along to the lyrics as his fingers flew from chord to chord, occasionally making eye contact with Gerard.

"Why do I feel like you can sing really well, but you don't?" Gerard asked when Frank finished the third song, genuinely curious as to why Frank wasn't belting out lyrics.

Frank made a face. "I can sing, everybody can. I just don't because I don't want to. Why, can you?"

Gerard shrugged, and looked at Frank through his curtain of black hair. "Well I sorta can. I'm not that good, but-"

"Bullshit, I bet you have the prettiest voice. And I bet it's just as pretty as your face." Frank didn't intend for that last sentence to leave his mouth, but it had, and there was no taking it back. He meant it, although he wasn't sure if he was making Gerard uncomfortable. He hoped not.

Gerard blushed a shade of pink like never before; his pale complexion now dusted with a new color. It was paired with a bright smile, then his hands were quickly placed over his face. "Shut up Frank!"

Frank was fucking done, because he couldn't think of anything more adorable in that moment. Gerard was everyone he never thought he'd meet, all smashed up into one person. "I'm only telling the truth, Gee."

Gerard loved the nickname that Frank had picked out for him. He couldn't get over how amazing he felt in Frank's presence - it truly was indescribable. That feeling that he knew was something different was becoming more prominent with each day he spent with his friend. It felt good, it felt natural and more genuine than anything else. Perhaps Gerard would fall victim to it, even if that meant he had to keep it to himself.

And so he did, he accepted that he liked Frank in a way that he never liked another guy before. Hell, he never even felt that way about a girl before either. Maybe, after everything, accepting it was the best thing to do. Gerard hoped that he wasn't getting himself into something that would leave him worse off in the end.

As the blush faded from both their faces, time seemed to slow down. Gerard's mind churned with thoughts that he never would've dreamt of having. Frank's mind was fixated on one thing, and one thing only: kissing Gerard.

He couldn't do it though, not yet anyway. He wasn't sure why he was holding back so much, then again: Frank wasn't sure about a whole lot.

 

_July 17, 1981_

Frank woke up at six in the morning, tangled in sheets that didn't belong to him. At first, he was frantic and confused, but then he slowly relaxed when he realized that it was just Gerard.

They ended up in bed together, simply because Gerard wouldn't let Frank sleep on the floor. There was hardly enough room for the both of them, which was a bit worrying to Frank. His attraction to Gerard was becoming more prominent than he expected it to be, so being close to him in such a way had his heart beating erratically in his chest.

They were so very close - Frank figured that all it would take for them to be spooning was inching a tiny bit closer to him. That thought was enticing, and Frank couldn't help himself.

"Hey, you awake?" he mumbled as he leaned close, hoping Gerard would be. He didn't want to stay in deafening silence until the sun was all the way up.

Gerard stirred, "mm-hmm," he moaned lowly.

"Alright... um, tell me if this is okay." Frank was about to fucking die; he wanted to hold Gerard more than he ever wanted anything else before.

"What?" he asked, and then he felt Frank's arms wrap around his waist and pull him in. He couldn't lie: it felt so nice. Gerard sighed into his pillow, content and suddenly feeling tired enough to go back to sleep. "Oh... yeah, this is good."

Frank sighed as well, a wave of happiness washing over him. Gerard was warm and soft - everything felt right. The sun was making its daily climb up the colors of the sky, and they watched it until they both fell back asleep. Their body heat became shared and Frank's breath tickled the back of Gerard's neck. Everything felt pleasant, and they'd keep those tiny moments frozen in time in their memory for many years to come.

 

_July 31, 1981_

Mid-July was all messy bedsheets and unplanned sleepovers for Frank and Gerard. There was so much that neither of them wanted to speak out loud, so they just laid in bed together with all the lights off and the windows open; listening to the rain fall upon the road outside. Thunder rumbled in the distance; the sound far, but they were closer than ever.

They met each other's parents by accident, from being around each other so much and all. Frank met Mikey, and thought he was a little strange, but a cool kid nonetheless. Things felt a kind of good that neither of them ever thought they would feel.

Gerard made plans with Lindsey the previous day, although he woke up in Frank's bed with the man himself right next to him. He blinked his eyes until the ceiling didn't look so wonky. It was probably noon, for all he knew. "Frank?"

Frank flipped over to face Gerard, as if he'd been awake hours before he had. He propped himself up on his elbow, looking at Gerard's pretty face. "Do you think it's weird that we do this?"

"Do what?" He turned to face him, and he could feel his heartbeat picking up speed for no reason at all.

Frank sighed, "lay together like this. Is it weird?"

Gerard blushed, and damn, he couldn't help but look away from Frank's face. "No... why do you say that?" he asked.

There was silence; only the sound of the birds outside could be heard. Maybe it was before noon after all. "I don't know, I just... I guess in society's eyes it's weird or wrong. It's not to me. I happen to like this, and I don't really care what anyone else thinks, you know?" Frank met eyes with Gerard, and he wanted to kiss the life out of him right then and there. He knew that he wouldn't, but even the simple thought of it gave him a bit of a high.

"Y-Yeah, that's true. I feel the same. I don't know how to explain this, but," he paused, suddenly feeling that he was talking too loud. "This feels like home," Gerard quieted his voice for that sentence.

Frank could hear his heartbeat in his ears - the blood rushing from his head to his toes faster than his time with Gerard had gone. "I'm happy that it does," he replied, nestling farther into the sheets.

He was hesitant, and it paralyzed him. Soon enough, Frank gathered some guts, and placed a hand on Gerard's shoulder. He scooted closer until he met Frank's bare chest, and he felt arms wrap around him securely. That bed felt like the safest place in the world, Gerard thought.

"I promised Lindsey yesterday that we'd meet up today." Gerard could feel Frank's exhale, "but you can come with if you'd like."

Frank began rubbing circles into Gerard's lower back with his thumb, and oh god: it felt amazing. He relaxed so far into his friend that the line between close friends and lovers was becoming blurred at best. It didn't matter though, nothing did when being held felt so good.

"Okay, I'll come with." Frank could feel Gerard melting into him, and so many feelings stirred in his chest all at once. He wanted to stay like that forever, but at the same time, he wanted more. That attraction he felt towards Gerard never faded in the slightest - it grew stronger with each moment he spent with him. Frank couldn't tell if that was a problem or not.

Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank tighter, and he closed his eyes. Focusing on Frank's soft hands touching him sent him straight back to peaceful slumber in mere minutes.

And although they both knew that it wasn't technically normal to touch your friends in such a way, neither of them cared very much to stop.

-

Gerard slept soundly in Frank's embrace until he woke him up, claiming that they probably should get up and have some sort of breakfast. They made slightly burnt pancakes and coffee, and then got dressed and ready to meet up with Lindsey. While getting dressed, Gerard realized that half of his wardrobe was on Frank's bedroom floor.

He agreed to meet her outside her house; she didn't know that he was bringing Frank along. He didn't get the chance to call her and tell her about him, but it would be a surprise to her either way. Gerard wasn't exactly the most sociable person ever, so she'd be astounded by his new friend.

They walked together in a comfortable silence, enjoying the mid-day Newark sky. When they arrived at Lindsey's house: she was sitting on the porch step with a half finished cigarette in her hand. It had red lipstick smudged on it; typical Lindsey fashion.

"Oh, hey Gerard. Who's this?" she asked while standing up, throwing the cigarette to the pavement and stamping it out with the heel of her chunky boot.

Gerard tried not to blush, though it proved to be a difficult task when Frank looked at him with those fucking eyes. "Lindsey, this is Frank. He's been... a good friend of mine for a little while now."

Lindsey smiled at them both. "Nice to meet you, Frank. I can't fucking believe Gerard here found somebody to talk to that's not me," she giggled while brushing a lock of black hair out of her eyes.

Frank seemed to like her sense of humor, as he laughed along with her. Gerard just made a face at both of them. In that moment, though: he realized how lucky he was to have them in his life. They both meant a lot to him, despite Lindsey being in his life way longer than Frank had been.

They all walked together, chatting nonstop until they reached the park. They sat there and just chilled for a while, as the sun made its way out of view again. Lindsey really seemed to get along with Frank well, which made Gerard quite happy.

Frank was the first one to leave to go home for the night. Gerard almost went to hug him goodbye, but decided against it. Instead, he sent a beaming smile his way and a sweet 'goodbye'. That left Gerard and Lindsey, sitting together on the grass. The sky was turning all different shades of orange, with a dash of pink. It looked prettier with each passing minute.

When Frank was finally out of earshot, Lindsey smirked at Gerard; the way she always did when she knew he wasn't telling her everything. "So, Gerard... do you like him by any chance?" she asked, and she could see the color leave Gerard's face as he processed what she said.

A million things were going through Gerard's head at that moment; he had absolutely no idea how to answer a question as forward as that. "Um... I don't know, it's complicated," he replied with an unconvincing shrug of his shoulders. He wasn't lying, he really didn't know what was going on between them.

"Look, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you to be with him, because I don't know what you want. All I'm saying is that he looks at you like you put the motherfucking stars in the sky." Lindsey then gestured to the sky, which was currently lacking in stars. Gerard giggled.

"It's just... weird. I think I do like him, but I'm too afraid to really let myself get that kind of invested in him," Gerard explained while ripping some grass out of the earth and letting it fall from his hands.

Lindsey sighed, "I know what you mean. It is hard, especially in your case," she paused, trying to think of the right thing to say. "I don't want to get your hopes up or anything... it's just... something's telling me that you guys are in the same boat here."

There were things that Gerard was a little bit reluctant to share, even with Lindsey. Despite this, he decided that he had nothing to lose. "I don't know, you might be right. He's really like... touchy feely with me lately. We've shared a bed many times and it doesn't feel like we should just be friends. And the things he says are hardly platonic... fuck, I wish I didn't have to make such a mess of everything."

"Well, guys typically aren't like that with other guys unless they're attracted to them. What do you mean you're making a mess?" she asked as she stood up; it was getting late and she had to be home before her parents were on her case.

Gerard stood up as well, taking note of how dark the sky had become during their conversation. "I... I guess I'm just afraid I'll fuck this up. I'm really bad at communication, like fucking awful, so I don't know what to say to him. Should I just tell him that I'm gay? Or do you think he just assumed that?" The sound of their footsteps punctuated the conversation. It helped to calm Gerard down while he thought extensively about what to do.

Lindsey shook her head. "Frank doesn't seem like the type of person to go around and assume shit about people. Maybe he is too and he's getting vibes or something, but either way, if you like him - _tell_ him. You can't just keep dropping teeny tiny subtle hints and expect him to pick up on them. He's probably afraid too, I mean look at how this world is nowadays. I would be afraid too if that was me," she finished, glancing over at her friend.

Gerard loved that she was level-headed and could offer him advice that made sense. She really listened and understood Gerard, unlike most people he'd come across. "Shit, you're right. No matter what though, I'm gonna be afraid. This is new and scary for me, and you know how much I hate getting involved with people like this."

The streetlights came on, lighting up the sidewalk so they could see a lot better than previously. Lindsey put her hands in her jacket pockets. "Gerard, it's okay to be afraid. Everybody is afraid of something, and if they tell you they're not, they're a goddamn liar. Frank is a person, just like you and me. He's got fears and flaws like the rest of us. Think of that whenever you feel like you can't talk to him the way you want to." She took a breath and looked up into the sky. "And you'll never know until you try."

They were almost at Lindsey's house, which Gerard was thankful for. He was getting more tired by the minute; his eyes burning in the cooler night air. "Thank you, Linds. It really does mean a lot that you care enough to listen to my bullshit. I'll try to take your advice, for once," Gerard said in reply. Perhaps Lindsey was always right after all.

There was silence for a few steps, until they reached Lindsey's front door. She went to zoom up the couple of steps to the porch, but instead turned to Gerard. "You coming in or not?"

"Nah, I gotta get home and sleep. Plus, I haven't been home all day and my parents might just sever my head." Gerard kicked a rock with his boot clad foot. His house was only a five minute walk from her's, which was nicely convenient.

Lindsey pouted, "well alright, have a good sleep then. Remember what I said. Call me if you need more advice, I've got plenty of it!"

Gerard laughed softly, "okay, I will. Goodnight."

"Night, loser."

 

_August 1, 1981_

Gerard woke up, and couldn't fucking believe that it was August already. He slept well, with no tossing or turning and no ridiculous nightmares. That was a huge relief to him, because there were times that he was awake all hours of the night due to bad dreams.

That morning felt fresh and new, especially since it was the first day of the new month. Gerard always liked those days: they felt like a second chance to be better than he was. He always seemed to fuck things up for himself, so he took every chance he could to better himself.

It was all too quiet, without Frank that is. He had come accustomed to being with him all hours of the day, so when he wasn't there, things felt different. Gerard didn't think he'd get to that point with someone in his life, but he had, and it felt so fucking strange.

He almost felt attached to Frank, which was something he feared deep down; afraid that his emotions would give the other too much power in the end. Then again, he wasn't entirely sure just what he was feeling towards his good friend. Everything was a bit blurry when it all came down to it.

Gerard knew that he liked Frank. That was probably the simplest part that needed figuring out. He just didn't know if it was a weird friend thing, or if he wanted to be with him as more than that. He was considering the latter, and after some time alone in his head: the idea didn't seem so bad. It actually gave him that damn fluttery feeling in his chest, which he never thought he would get.

He thought about kissing Frank a lot more than he would admit, maybe a little too much in fact. Friends don't yearn to kiss one another like that, do they? Gerard didn't think so, but his head always had a funny way of thinking.

Going about something as risky as kissing his friend was nerve racking for him. Maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal if Gerard was straight, but he wasn't, so he naturally had it harder than most. He couldn't imagine Frank acting negatively to a kiss, yet on the other hand, he didn't care to assume in such a way. Perhaps he would try to tell him that he was interested through body language first, because Gerard felt like he had a heart made of fucking glass.

He laid in bed contemplating what to do for quite some time that morning. His window let in fresh morning air and some of the sun's bright rays as well, causing Gerard to actually feel energized for once in his life. His parents were already at work, and Mikey slept over at a friend's house the night before, so he had the house to himself for a little while.

Rolling out of bed and onto the floor, Gerard laughed softly at himself. He was tangled in his own sheets, which he took a mental note to fucking wash, because they were getting kinda gross. Untangling himself from the pile of linen wasn't the easiest thing to do, but he managed to. Gerard attempted to make his bed, although he only went to the extent of throwing the sheets back on and flattening them out a little. He felt too relaxed to give a damn.

He flicked through his records in his record crate for a few seconds, stopping at Joan Jett's _Bad Reputation_. Out of all the good records that were released in that year, it had to be one of Gerard's favorites. He flipped it over to the A side and put it on the turntable, delicately placing the needle. The title track began to blare through the speakers, bringing a smile to his face.

Music motivated Gerard to get up and get some shit done, instead of spending his day in bed. He stripped his bed of its sheets rather dramatically, and carried them to the washing machine. While they were in the wash, he picked up all the clothes on the floor and hung them up. He found some of Frank's stuff in the mix, which was not surprising at all.

He began to think about Frank again, and concluded that he had something pretty close to a crush on him. This didn't surprise him, not really, he just worried about it. He could tell it wasn't the type of feeling that would leave and never come back.

Once the A side was over and the sound of crackling filled the room, Gerard got up from the edge of his bed and flipped it. He was drawing and writing for the first time in a little while, and only one person could be to blame. Frank was taking up a lot of his time, and although he loved spending it with him: Gerard needed time to just sit and make some art, alone.

His sketchbook was full of many different things: character ideas, plots, and various other things he felt the need to pen down somewhere. It was his pride and joy, and he thought about showing Frank some of his stuff.

Gerard thought about Frank entirely too much, and perhaps that was alright after all.

Time passed as he drew; the only thing snapping him out of his trance being the ringing coming from the hallway. He looked up from his drawing, suddenly noticing that he was really fucking hungry and the phone was ringing off the hook. He ran out into the hallway to answer it.

"Hello?" Gerard immediately began to twirl the chord around his fingers, feeling the spirals curl around them. His mom thought it was the weirdest thing, she'd always tease him for it.

"Hey Gerard, what're you up to?" Frank asked from the other side.

Gerard expected it to be him - he just had a gut feeling that it wouldn't be Mikey or his parents. "Hey, nothing much really. Just some cleaning and drawing. Why?" He had something on the tip of his tongue, but was hesitant to say it. He decided to anyway, because fuck it: there was nothing to lose. "Do you miss me already or something?"

Frank giggled, causing Gerard to grin from ear to ear. Secretly, they were both glad they couldn't see each other. "Yeah, actually. I was just calling to see if you wanted to go out to eat somewhere," he inquired, hoping that Gerard would say yes. He was planning something, and his friend was completely oblivious to it. Soon, he wouldn't be.

Gerard felt like the blush on his face could burn holes through his fucking skin. He was pretty sure that Frank just asked him on a date, though he wasn't one to jump to conclusions. "Yeah, that sounds good. I was actually about to eat lunch so we should meet up as soon as possible."

"Alright, I'll be over in like... I don't know, ten minutes? I'm bad at time," Frank laughed at himself, and oh god: he really hoped he didn't just fuck up a good thing.

They said goodbye quickly, and Gerard ran around trying to look presentable. He tugged on his favorite pair of jeans, which were also his tightest ones. He was having invasive thoughts whilst doing so, because he accidentally imagined Frank peeling them off of him. Gerard was in too fucking deep to turn back now. He was going to pretend that he and Frank were on a date, even if they weren't.

He found himself with some extra time, so he grabbed that makeup that Lindsey gave him. Pulling out an eyeliner pencil, he uncapped it and inspected it. He'd seen Lindsey do it numerous times before, no big deal. Gerard took it to his face and drew a faint line underneath his eyes. He then brought his finger up and smudged it a bit. It didn't look half bad, he thought.

The doorbell sounded, and he rushed down the stairs to open it. There stood Frank, looking fucking amazing as ever in his iconic leather jacket and black ripped jeans.

"Do you know where we're going, or is this completely spontaneous?" Gerard was just curious, and he didn't care either way.

Frank smirked. He wanted to hold Gerard's hand, but that wasn't going to happen. Not yet, anyway. "The latter. I'm thinking pizza though, because I'm a vegetarian and all."

Gerard walked outside and shut the door behind him with a slam. "Must be hard to find places that are vegetarian friendly." He was trying to make conversation to distract from the mess in his head; it was getting quite horrific up there. He was more nervous about the unspoken than of anything else.

"Yeah, it's not that bad, but sometimes I go places and everything has fucking meat in it." Frank sounded bitter, and Gerard could tell that he cared a lot about vegetarianism. "You know, I wish humans didn't rely on animals for most of their food. It's kinda shitty."

Gerard nodded, "I agree, I feel like I could stop eating meat, although my mom would probably have a problem with it somehow. That's just my life."

It didn't take long for them to reach a pizzeria; they were abundant in Newark. They went inside and ordered a couple slices and sodas, which Frank insisted on paying for. Gerard didn't argue, because he remembered Frank saying about how he hated when people fought over stupid things like that.

Conversation flowed easier than Frank thought it would. He kept envisioning himself kissing Gerard right on the fucking month the entire time, causing his pupils to dilate irregularly. He was wondering if Gerard was thinking about the same thing he was thinking about; every time their eyes met, a blush dusted his cheeks. He noticed that Gerard was wearing a little bit of eyeliner, which really brought out his big hazel eyes. Frank adored his eyes.

When they were both full of pizza and thoughts about the other, they walked to Frank's house. It took a little longer considering it was farther from them than Gerard's house was, but it was a nice walk nonetheless. Frank's place was starting to feel like a second home to Gerard, and vice versa. Some would say that they were a little too close for comfort - both thought it different. They loved what they had together, simple as that.

They listened to some of his records for a little while, but then Frank saw his chance, and he wanted nothing more than to take it.

"Gee?"

"Hmm?"

Frank inched closer to his friend, with his heart beating out of his chest. This was it. They were sitting on the edge of Frank's bed together, and the rest of the world felt miles away. "I-I'm gonna do something... um, tell me to stop if you don't like it, okay?"

Gerard swallowed and nodded slowly, eyes wide and mouth suddenly dry. Everything felt as if the world had paused when Frank lifted his hands to tangle his fingers in Gerard's hair. He felt the softness of it between his fingers as he leaned in and pressed his lips to Gerard's own for the first time.

They were both frozen for a spilt second when their lips connected, but then they soon began to move them in sync together. Gerard's hands flew to Frank's neck, pulling him in farther. He deepened the kiss with flick of his tongue, and he felt himself being pulled into Frank's lap.

Gerard didn't think he'd have his tongue in Frank's mouth that day, yet it happened, and he was god damn glad that it did.

They continued like that for several more seconds, and when they finally disconnected, they had to stop and just look at each other; taking in the ambiance of the situation. Somehow, the kiss felt bound to happen, yet neither of them ever dreamed of initiating such a thing. Frank was feeling rather reckless - he had fucking guts that day. That quick decision would be one of the best ones of his entire life, and he didn't even know it at the time.

Gerard was astonished, to say the least. He returned his hands to his lap, suddenly feeling a pang of self consciousness for no known reason. Frank's hands slowly fell to caress Gerard's hands, which left them both blushing and giddy. Gerard broke eye contact, instead looking down at their now intertwined fingers. He decided that he quite enjoyed sitting in Frank's lap.

"Say something." Frank seemed nervous, and Gerard couldn't blame him. He didn't really know what to say and he didn't want to say the wrong thing, so he was stuck. "Please."

"T-That was... fucking _amazing_ , and I don't even know, like, what to say," Gerard rambled. He felt like things were changing right then and there, and he was correct. It proved to be difficult, but he connected his eyes with Frank's again: this time cherishing the moment a bit more than he did before.

Frank's face lit up with relief, as if he thought that Gerard would kiss him back if he didn't like it. "It was amazing... fuck Gee, you're so fucking pretty," he said, as he brought his hands to his face once more. His thumb brushed over his lips; they were the softest lips he'd ever come across before.

Gerard felt like he was going to explode from the affection he was being given. It definitely wasn't something he was used to, since he had never been in any kind of romantic relationship before. He reckoned that he could get used to it, though, especially with Frank.

"Thank you... you're probably the first person who's ever called me that." Gerard really wanted his lips on Frank's lips again, he just didn't know how to ask.

"That's hard for me to believe, but knowing society's bullshit, it makes sense," Frank replied. He really wanted to kiss Gerard again. "Can I?" He asked, leaning in and placing his hands on Gerard's waist this time.

Gerard melted right then and there as he nodded. Frank pressed their lips together for the second time ever, and it felt so right. Gerard didn't know what to do with his hands this time, so he tangled them in Frank's hair. He wrapped his legs tightly around his lower torso, and right there, with his lips moving in sync with Frank's: it all started to make sense.

 

_August 19, 1981_

There was a lot of making out after that day, and they were becoming something like attached at the lips. They hadn't been caught yet, and neither of them wanted to even think about the fact that it was inevitable - someday they would be. It wouldn't be pretty either way, but they cared less and less each day about whatever consequences stood nearby.

Still, to lessen the chances of being caught: they stayed up all hours of the night in bed together. Those were the hours in which they felt the most alive. Sometimes it rained, and droplets ran down the window of whoever's bedroom they were in. The sound filled the room when the window was open; peaceful and seemingly otherworldly at three in the morning. Sometimes there was a full moon, and the borrowed light poured in and danced upon their bare skin. Sometimes it felt like heaven on Earth, but mostly, it felt like something that neither was ready to give up any time soon.

They both knew that summer wouldn't last forever, yet they held onto the silly hope that maybe the clocks would cease to tick. Perhaps time would stop just for them, and only them. That thought was inherently selfish; love can do funny things to you.

There was no label for what they had. It just was. They kissed, they spent most nights whispering while tangled in sheets and pressed together ever so tightly, and they lived. The summer of 1981 was kind to them, hell, it brought them together. Neither of them wanted it to end, but there was no sign of the clocks stopping and creating eternal summer.

School would start up again, just like every year. The only difference was that it would be their last. Frank would be finishing his last useless year at Catholic school, and Gerard at his high school. They'd be free for the first time in too many years, but they'd be adults instead of toddlers. They would get jobs or go away to college, or both, or neither.

Life would change form for them, and perhaps that was the scariest part of it all, because there was a real world somewhere out there. They were just disconnected to it.

So they lived out a summer by caring all too much for one another, even if nobody else approved of their relationship. That senseless approval was insignificant to them, and besides: Lindsey was the only one who knew.

-

Gerard was having one of his nightmares again. They had both gone to sleep earlier, trying to fix their sleep schedules and all. He jolted awake, and for a spilt second, it felt as if the room was spinning. Disoriented and groggy, he looked at the clock on his bedside table. It read one thirty-seven in the morning in bright red letters.

His room felt like a happier place when Frank was in it. He was pressed up against Gerard in the most innocent way, with their chests bare. It was just too hot to sleep fully clothed.

Gerard hardly had the nerve to wake the person he was snuggled into, so he flipped himself around: careful not to remove Frank's arms from his sides. He curled up in his arms, hands touching Frank's chest. He shifted in his sleep, suddenly gripping him tighter and resting his chin on the top of Gerard's head.

That was when Gerard realized that he felt safe, despite the scary things his mind projected to him in his slumber. Nothing could harm him when he was underneath a warm blanket with the person he was beginning to love. All the noisy hate faded away somewhere between the boundaries of that room and the rest of the world.

 

_August 22, 1981_

"I really don't wanna leave you," Frank muttered against the skin of Gerard's neck. They were standing in the middle of Gerard's bedroom, embracing like one of them was going off to war.

It was getting pretty late, and they were tired. They had just come back from bike riding; something that they wanted to do before the summer ended. The trail they were on was secluded, and they were the only ones in sight the entire time. They watched the sun set and they made their way to Gerard's house for the last time in the summer of 1981, because it was a Saturday night, and Frank was forced to go to church with his parents on Sunday morning.

If they only knew what he was up to in his spare time, they'd disown him forever.

Gerard tried not to think of the reality of it all that entire day. It was going to hurt to be away from Frank, and having to keep their relationship a secret only made matters worse. He already felt pangs of nostalgia in his chest when he thought about the day they met at the record store. That day seemed so far away to him, even though it was only a little over two months prior.

"I don't want to either, but we have to," Gerard replied, the sullenness evident in his voice. He wanted the summer to be eternal more than he ever wanted anything else, although his desperate want for such a thing did nothing to help the situation. "I'm gonna try to see you as much as I can."

"Okay, we can do that. That's good." Frank sounded like he was trying to convince himself, and he was, because that was all he could do at the time. He had grown more attached to Gerard than he ever would have imagined.

The streetlights flickered on outside, illuminating Gerard's room in warm light. It fell upon the floor in broken pieces; shadows from the items sat on his desk. That light only reminded him that he would have to part with Frank in a few minutes.

As he was lost in his thoughts, Frank began to press his lips chastely on the space just underneath Gerard's ear. He drew in a breath of air at the same time, taking in the soothing scent of his almost boyfriend. He felt like it was the perfect moment to tell him that he loved him, but he held back due to his fear of saying it too early.

Instead, he decided to show him instead of tell him. Frank drew back, and Gerard saw the look in his eyes. Nobody ever looked at him like that before. Frank kissed Gerard like he'd never see him again after that day, and even though they were being way more dramatic than they needed to be, it was still a moment in time that they'd look back and smile about.

 

_September 12, 1981_

School kicked their fucking asses, needless to say. It was too hot out: the summer heat and humidity had not faded yet, and it wouldn't for a couple more weeks. They had made time during the week to meet up, but not for very long. Lots of sneaking around had to be done, because they were so much more than friends and it was the most difficult thing in the world to hide.

Frank and Gerard made it through a week of school, and then one turned to two, and two turned to three. Time passed even faster when they had to spend the days locked up in classrooms, funnily enough. It was Saturday morning, and they found themselves wandering around the city of Newark, looking for something to do with the time they had together.

That was until Frank got an idea. It had probably been the most spontaneous idea he'd ever had, yet it wasn't one that he could just let slip past him. "Has anyone even given you a stick and poke tattoo?" he found himself asking.

Gerard had an idea of what he was thinking in that moment. "No, have you?"

Frank nodded. "Yeah, but they faded over time. My friends were too afraid to hurt me, so they didn't last very long," he paused. "Wouldn't it be cool if we gave each other tattoos?"

Gerard's eyes widened a little at that. "I guess so, I'm not very pain tolerant though. What do you have in mind?"

"1981," Frank replied with the morning sun in his eyes. He looked over to his partner, and caught him smiling to himself.

"You're so... sentimental. It's kind of ridiculous," he joked with rosy cheeks. He had an irrational fear of needles, but he was hoping that having Frank do it would help take his mind off it. "Yeah, we can do that."

They walked until they found a store that sold sewing needles and some variant of non-toxic ink; the latter was harder to find than they expected. Soon enough, they found themselves in Frank's room. Gerard couldn't stop thinking about the future, and the possibilities it held. He thought about Frank being included in that future; he wondered if the marking that was about to be made on his body would still be there in ten or twenty years time. He also wondered if Frank would still be there, but he quickly dismissed it when he heard the sound of his voice.

"Have you thought about where you want it?" Frank raised his eyebrows at Gerard, his hair falling into his face. It was dyed all black now, instead of the white color he had on the sides before. He had also recently got his lip pierced, and Gerard loved the feeling of it when they kissed.

He loved Frank in general, despite the fact that he never told him that he did. Not yet, at least.

Gerard got lost just thinking about all the things that clouded his mind, like how Frank's mouth would feel on places besides his lips. That wasn't the only thing he was thinking about. However, it was the one that was causing him the most trouble. "Um, my shoulder... maybe? I don't know, I feel like that's just a good spot-"

"You're rambling, honey."

Gerard sat on the edge of Frank's bed, the pet name making him giddy. "Sorry, just nervous."

Frank glanced up at him from the pack of sewing needles he was opening. "Why are you nervous?"

"Fear of needles. Those aren't too bad I guess, and it'll be you touching me, so I think I'll be alright," Gerard replied while looking around Frank's room.

"Oh Gee, you're really something, I'll tell you that." Frank was so fucking in love with Gerard, it was practically gushing out of him. He wanted to say it, but he held back again. "I... I like touching you, you know." He figured that was the closest he'd come so far to saying it.

Gerard hardly felt self conscious as he took off his shirt, which was a new concept to him. He laid down on his stomach in Frank's bed, waiting for him to start the tattoo. "I like when you touch me," he said like it was a secret; quiet as ever. Frank still heard him, and he felt his mind fill up with thoughts that weren't appropriate for the time or situation.

He finally prepared the needle and the little jar of ink, and made his way over to Gerard. He placed the items down on his desk, quickly scanning the room for an old tee shirt somewhere to clean up excess ink. A plain black one would do, he thought. He briefly left the room to fetch some alcohol to disinfect his skin. Once Frank had everything he needed, he straddled Gerard's lower back, giving him just enough space to work on the little tattoo.

Gerard really liked the feeling of Frank being on top of him, perhaps too much. "You good?" Frank questioned, and he felt like all he did was ask questions. He put some of the alcohol on Gerard's skin with a cotton ball.

Fidgeting with Frank's sheets, Gerard nodded, "yeah, I'm alright." He then felt him outline the numbers on the back of his shoulder, causing a smile to creep onto his pretty face. "That tickles."

"Well, enjoy it, cause it's gonna hurt in a couple seconds," Frank joked, tracing over the final number one with the ink for the last time. He was something like glad that Gerard couldn't see his face, because he was blushing like a motherfucker. Gerard was just too adorable, and it was causing a lot of problems for him.

Frank refocused on his task despite the obvious distraction, beginning to poke with the needle in the same spot repeatedly. The ink began to seep into Gerard's soft skin, and it was creating something he'd have on his body for an indefinite amount of time. The pain was bearable, mainly because Gerard was focusing on the weight on his back: Frank. Although the position was meant to be innocent, he couldn't stop thinking about other things. It was a bit too early for that, he thought.

They stayed silent for quite some time, just lost in the time they spent together. Everything felt unimportant, except for the two of them. Gerard closed his eyes and relished in the feeling of Frank's hands touching his back and shoulders. Every now and then, he'd swipe the black shirt across his pale skin to clean up the ink. Gerard favorite thing was when he brushed his hair off the side so it didn't get in the way, tucking it behind his ear as a fluttering feeling erupted in his stomach. Frank occasionally ran his hand through it as well, perhaps to reassure him and distract him from the dull pain.

Gerard had no idea how much time had gone by, but he noticed that the coloring of the sky suggested that it was way past noon. "What time is it?" His voice was awkward with disuse.

Frank was finished, just wiping away some more excess ink from Gerard's skin. "Um," he glanced around for a clock, "one thirty." He got off of Gerard and cleaned everything up.

"Alright, I wanna see how it looks," he stated, and made his way over to Frank's mirror. He turned his head over his shoulder and saw it; the tattoo was small, but it already meant so much to him. It brought a wide grin to his face, and god: his face hurt from smiling so much when he was with Frank. "I love it, so fucking much. Thank you."

"I'm so glad you do, honey." Frank was looking at Gerard, and he couldn't help but feel a sense of belonging right then and there. Gerard's presence felt like home should feel. "You're absolutely beautiful, Gee," he found himself saying out loud.

Gerard didn't know what to say, he was at a loss for words. Frank was the whole entire fucking world to him, and there wasn't much else that mattered to him at the moment. Before he knew it, Frank was approaching him with open arms. He slid into those open arms like he was made to fit there, and only there. Even though Frank was a couple inches shorter than Gerard, he still managed to make him feel safe in his embrace.

Frank pulled away from the hug to plant a kiss on Gerard's lips, which had them both melting into each other more and more by the second. Gerard deepest the kiss; tongue gliding against Frank's own in a desperate attempt to take in more of him. They inched closer to the bed, and eventually the back of Gerard's legs hit it. Frank took it upon himself to push his partner onto his bed and claim on top of him.

They parted for a few seconds, Gerard smirking, "you know, my tattoo is probably still bleeding and I'm probably getting blood all over your sheets."

Frank slotted himself between Gerard's legs, grabbing him by the wrists and pinning him down very suddenly. "I don't care, all I care about is you," he then leaned down and pressed a feathery kiss to his forehead.

"Whatever you say," Gerard muttered with an added eye roll. He became aware that he was the only one shirtless. "Hey, you should... I don't know, take your shirt off so I don't feel stupid." Gerard loved that he could joke around with Frank - they both really saw eye to eye when it came to sarcasm.

"Oh fine, you know I'll always give you want you want anyway," Frank laughed while quickly slipping the shirt over his head. "Better, princess?"

"Much better," Gerard replied, not knowing what to do with his hands now that Frank let go of them. He settled on leaving them above his head. "Could you stop running your mouth and kiss me now?"

"That can be arranged." With that, Frank leaned in once more and pressed his lips onto Gerard's lips. He ran his hands down his smooth sides, really trying to take in the moment as much as he could. His tongue entered Gerard's mouth again, and he began to grind down on him without realizing it at first.

Gerard was writhing underneath him, having a hard time not getting too wound up over what was happening. He ended up moaning into Frank's mouth, which drove him absolutely mad. When their lips finally parted, Gerard was panting: he had been robbed of his breath in the best way possible.

"F-Frank?"

"Yeah?"

Gerard was stuttering, but he couldn't help it. "Holy shit... I-I... fucking love you."

Those words hung in the air like an overpowering scent, and they gripped onto their skin and clothes like such as well. Neither of them were expecting it to be said, especially at such a time, but the timing felt something like right.

Frank looked into his glossy eyes and said: "I love you too, you beautiful son of a bitch."

 

_October 31, 1981_

Time seemed to be flying a million miles a minute. Nothing lasted for more than a few seconds, seemingly. It was a concept that Frank nor Gerard could wrap their heads around.

It was the day of Frank's eighteenth birthday; a Saturday. Frank felt so lucky that his eighteenth had fallen on a weekend day. He wouldn't have to spend it on school, which made him very happy. His mother had baked him a cake, like she always did: there was just one more candle this year. She woke him up with a nice breakfast too, and Frank felt so happy to be an adult now, at least in terms of age. He wasn't so sure he felt any different than he usually felt.

He spent his day with his family, because he was going to a concert in the heart of the city with Gerard and Lindsey that night. The band was called Black Flag, and Lindsey had found out about them through some friends of her's. Frank had never heard of them, but Lindsey seemed to think they were the best band ever, so he decided to tag along. It was his birthday, after all.

The day passed very slowly, and Frank couldn't wait to see Gerard again. School had been taking up too much of his time, so seeing Gerard was getting rare. He just wanted to spend every waking moment with him; he loved him so fucking much.

After he'd given Gerard that tattoo, Frank received a similar looking tattoo of his own in the same spot. Admittedly, Gerard wasn't very good at it, but it was the thought that counted in Frank's mind. Both their tattoos healed within a couple weeks, and hadn't faded in the least bit. Gerard looked at his in the mirror whenever he missed Frank; it was reassuring to know that it was there and it would stay even if his partner couldn't.

Gerard couldn't stop anticipating the moment he would see Frank again. His heart would erratically beat in his chest whenever he did as much as thought of him. He couldn't wait to kiss the life out of Frank - he needed to more than anything else, it seemed.

Gerard was at Lindsey's house for a majority of the day. Before he left, he let his parents know of his whereabouts: they just told him to 'have fun' and waved him off. Sometimes Gerard felt like he didn't need to tell them where he was going anymore, since he was eighteen and all. He still did though, because he was somewhat afraid of the freedom he had.

Lindsey put makeup on him, simply because they had nothing else to do. Gerard didn't mind, not at all - he actually really enjoyed the process, it was calming. He also really liked the way he looked in dark lipstick, but he wouldn't ever dare to wear it out in public.

"You should wear this look out sometime," Lindsey said while taking a good look at what she'd done to Gerard's face. "It really suits you."

"As if I could... do you think so?" Gerard was unsure of himself in the worst way, and he cared a little too much about the opinions of others. He could go out with a full face of makeup if he really wanted to, but what if the reactions of other people where too much? What if they tried to hurt him?

Lindsey could sense the doubt he felt towards himself, it was impossibly heavy. "You can do anything you want to do, Gerard. People are gonna stare, yeah... you're just different. People are afraid of different," she reasoned. He knew all too well that she was right.

"I guess it's not so much the negative reactions that I'm worried about... it's my safety, like... in general. What if my parents found out somehow? They wouldn't want somebody like me as their son if they found out about everything. God fucking dammit, they think I tell them everything for some reason," he took a deep breath and caught his reflection in the mirror again. "There's a lot I don't tell them because they wouldn't accept me. You're the only one who does, other than Frank of course." Gerard's cheeks flushed a soft shade of pink when he mentioned that name. Lindsey noticed.

"You haven't told anyone else about it, have you?" she asked sincerely. She found herself wishing that the world was a more accepting and loving place, because it wasn't at that point in time, and it probably never would be at the rate it was going.

Gerard's face fell. "No, I haven't. I'm scared, people are fucking mean and violent... and my parents would never accept me. They'd kick me out and disown me before they'd accept me as a gay person." He was picking at his nails, which he sometimes thought about painting jet black. "There's just so much that I have to keep all bottled up, and it wears on me."

Lindsey scooted over next to him and put an arm around her friend as an attempt to comfort him somehow. Gerard caught her gaze, and gave her a soft smile. He felt like shit, to put it rather bluntly. There was all too much going on and he just wanted to be away from his parents for as long as he possibly could.

"Do you think I could crash here after the show?"

Lindsey nodded, "of course, Gerard."

-

The club wasn't too far from Lindsey's house, so they decided to walk. It took longer than they expected, but they got there in time. The walk was eye opening for Gerard; he thought deeply about the two people walking next to him and how important they were to him. There was an odd sense of appreciation there as well, and he felt on top of the world right then and there. Perhaps everything would stay like that, and cause him to freeze in that wonderful state of happiness.

Of course he knew that it wouldn't last forever, but it was fun to dream of eternal good mood.

The city, like most cities, came alive at nighttime. Newark was no New York City, but it certainly had its own character. People walked the streets, and most were unfamiliar faces to Gerard. He didn't get out much, and besides: he lived in a city.

Frank wanted to hold Gerard's hand in the worst way. He couldn't, and he wouldn't dare - not in the public eye. He could only direct fond glances to his lover as they made their way to the club. Lindsey caught onto it, and smiled to herself. They were so fucking cute, it was ridiculous.

It was a free show: the band had just replaced their lead singer, so they were trying to get more people to come to the shows. Lindsey seemed ecstatic about it - it had been too long since she'd last been to a show, and she was itching to get to one.

When they arrived, the place wasn't too full. Lots of people their age were there, sitting and chatting with others just like them. Frank and Gerard suddenly felt so... safe.

"These are my people," Lindsey announced while eyeing the place, her eyes falling upon the may people who seemingly had similar interests. She wanted to leave Frank and Gerard alone for a little, knowing that they'd appreciate that, even though they loved her company. "Hey, I'm gonna go mingle with some of these people. Don't know when I'll be back, but this place is small enough for you to come fetch me if you need me. Okay?"

Gerard caught her eyes in the dim lighting of the club. He kinda figured that she'd do that. "Yeah, that's fine. Good luck?"

With that, she stuck her tongue out at him and walked away. Sometimes Gerard wondered why they were friends, and sometimes he was reminded of it. This time, it was the latter. Lindsey was truly something, and Gerard was hoping that she'd stick around for a long time.

Soon enough, the show started, and the room got much louder than Gerard expected it to. He'd never really been to a show before, so this was a new experience for him. A warm feeling spread through his chest; he was experiencing something for the first time with Frank. That really resonated with him.

Lindsey decided to stay across the room with a couple people she got talking with, leaving Frank and Gerard standing in the back of the club - very close to one another. It was impossibly dark where they were standing, so they could pretty much make out right then and there without drawing attention to themselves. Frank considered this option.

They were there to watch a show, though, not suck face. Frank may or may not have snuck a few kisses on Gerard's neck here and there, as well as the arm that he kept around his midsection. They both were digging the band, and were glad that Lindsey decided to drag them there. Gerard made a mental note to thank her when the show was over.

Halfway through the band's set, Frank turned and grabbed Gerard's face, kissing him directly on the lips for the first time ever in public. It was quite a shock to Gerard, but soon enough, he began to kiss him back. He felt a pang of something in his chest, almost as if his heart was getting ready to jump out of his chest. He soon recognized it as pure happiness.

When Frank pulled away, he thought about how he just couldn't get enough of Gerard. Maybe he was simply attached because he was young and reckless, or maybe it was something else. Time would tell, it always does, and they found comfort in that.

The show ended not too long after that kiss, and Frank was full of adrenaline. The combination of good music and Gerard had him feeling like he was on top of the world. His birthday turned out a lot better than he thought it would.

It was getting pretty late as everyone began to exit the club. Lindsey came back over to them, so they luckily didn't have to go looking for her. "Hey guys, sorry I left you alone for the whole show. Got talking with those guys over there, and they're pretty cool. We're gonna hang out sometime soon," she told them excitedly. Gerard couldn't believe how easy it was for her to make friends, she was just so sweet and kind to everyone.

Gerard grabbed Frank's hand so he didn't lose him in the crowd, "hey, it's fine. We had plenty of fun without you anyway," he giggled as he looked over at Frank, who squeezed his hand in response.

Lindsey just laughed, her face illuminated by the streetlights. They were outside the club now, and ready to go home. Well, Gerard wasn't.

"I'm staying at Lindsey's tonight, do you wanna come with or go home?" Gerard asked, silently hoping that Frank would want to stay at Lindsey's house. He missed sleeping next to him, or smack up against him, more accurately.

Frank released Gerard's hand, getting nervous when he saw more people. "Yeah, I can go with you, just let me stop at home first to grab some stuff and tell my mom."

Gerard's hand felt empty without Frank's in his, but he figured that they wouldn't walk together hand in hand the whole time anyway. "That's fine," he replied, and despite the fact that he wasn't holding Frank's hand anymore, he felt so damn happy.

-

The three of them sat cross legged on the floor in front of Lindsey's TV, some late night garbage playing as background noise more than anything. They were talking about nothing important, until more existential topics came to light. Those were always Gerard's favorite, even though they made him feel like life was completely devoid of meaning.

"What if there's nothing after this? Like what if our souls just... I don't know, float around in the vastness of outer space?" Lindsey was seriously fucking beat, but she didn't want to sleep just yet. She was wrapped in a blanket from the couch, and she could honestly drift off if she tried.

Gerard rolled his eyes. He was getting pretty tired too, but he didn't feel like sleeping either. It was nearing three o'clock in the morning; perhaps they should have gone to sleep way earlier. "I think you need sleep, Lindsey," he muttered lazily as he looked down at Frank, who was using his thigh as a pillow.

He seemed to be somewhat asleep, with his eyelids fluttering every so often. The glow of the TV made him look even more tired, dark shadows cast underneath his eyes. His black hair fell in his face; disheveled in the most beautiful way, Gerard thought. Frank was quite pretty while he was sleeping, but Gerard wouldn't admit that.

Lindsey was falling asleep sitting up, though she was adamant about continuing her deep conversation with Gerard. "I know, but like... what if there's really nothing? I wonder if you can feel time if your soul is just floating in space," she paused, looking at the glowing TV for a second, "or if you can touch the stars."

Gerard found himself considering what she said. It seemed like such a far away concept, when in reality: time and space were closer than they thought. Everything can be right in front of you if you think about it enough. "You're making me overthink, I think we should both go to sleep now."

"Alright, fine," she sighed and laid down on the floor with her blanket. Her speech was slurred, almost as if she was drunk. "You guys can take the couch if you want."

Gerard shook his head, "no, it's fine, you take it. I don't want to wake him up."

So Gerard laid down on Lindsey's living room floor after turning the TV off. The room was dark, but soon the sun would rise and illuminate it with crisp light once again. They would all sleep right through it anyway, because they were all too tired for their own good.

It took Gerard a couple minutes, but he finally fell into a peaceful slumber. One of his arms was slung around Frank, and as they slept, they only moved closer together. Even in a state of unconsciousness, they still managed to gravitate towards one another.

 

_November 18, 1981_

Gerard had no particular reason for feeling awful, but somehow, he felt a weighing emotion and he was struggling underneath the crushing force. There was no pushing past it, because it was above him, and ever so inclined to make everything seem so much worse than it really was.

He'd had his fair share of depressive episodes in his lifetime, and they even let up for long enough that it lead him to suspect that they were gone for good. This was not the case at all; that old crying in the bathroom emotion was back for yet another round.

The only way Gerard could describe it was like a dark raincloud hanging over his head, pouring out copious amounts of rainwater upon his brain. He was soaked and surrounded by so much water that it quickly became impossible to focus on anything else. Sometimes there was hail, which didn't help his cause one bit.

Reality felt altered in a fucked up way. He almost wanted to die, but there was always something keeping him there. It wasn't just people, it was other things too, like good music, books, and calm mornings. Simple things kept him alive too, even though they were hardly noticed in the eyes of someone else.

As he sat upright in bed at an ungodly hour, he became hyper aware of everything in his room. Shadows that he had come accustomed to suddenly became something to fear. Gerard hated two in the morning almost as much as he hated the restlessness that came with whatever was inside his head.

Calling Frank or Lindsey was no option, it just wasn't. That would wake everyone else in their houses. Gerard would go talk to Mikey, but there was a great chance that he would be asleep at such a time. So Gerard was alone with only the thoughts inside his head; a terrible combination, especially at two in the morning.

An odd sense of nostalgia filled him. He wished for the days when he was always tired, and could easily sleep through the night with no interruptions. His childhood was a peaceful one. There were many times where he wished he could return to it, sort of like a dog-eared page of a novel. The problem: he was finished with the book.

So he just laid back down and brought the covers up to his neck again. He remembered the tattoo and reached back to touch it; he knew the exact placement of it. It had already healed, and now he was left with something that he was hoping he wouldn't look at in the future and regret. He doubted it, though.

Gerard had done enough thinking for the night, he thought, but his brain didn't agree. It wanted to keep skipping from topic to topic, and everything felt like it was spinning yet standing still at the same time. He felt messed up, and quite dizzy.

It would soon be morning, and the light would do its best to mask whatever emotion he had been feeling when the sky was dark. It would try, but only Gerard would know that it never really left: it just disappeared for a short while. Knowing that wasn't very reassuring, nonetheless.

Perhaps he tricked himself into becoming tired, because he soon fell into an awkward state of sleep. His dreams ended up as memories, and although it did nothing to help the cause, it helped him skip through time until it was morning once more. Yeah, he felt messed up and generally not well, but all was fine outside of his mind.

While Gerard got some rest, Frank happened to wake in his own bed; a dream that left his heart beating out of his chest had him up at the ungodly hour. Frank's case was a more abrupt waking, rather than Gerard's slow one. He laid there and stared at the blankness of his ceiling. Nothing: he felt nothing once the erratic beating subsided and all seemed calm.

Nighttime seemed a lot more scary without Gerard clinging to him. He didn't know why - he didn't have any problems before he met him. The whole thing was messed up, and how they both felt so awful so close in timing; perhaps that was the most fucked up thing.

They themselves weren't fucked up at all, what they had was good: it felt more natural than anything else. They just weren't in the right place to be themselves, and maybe they never would be. There was no telling where they could be in a few years time, because plans mean nothing, and life is all too sudden.

So Frank thought himself into a void of nothingness until his eyelids felt heavy once more - there wasn't much else he could do. He didn't even bother to look at the clock. He didn't want to know the time.

 

_November 29, 1981_

Frank's guitar kinda sounded like shit; it was in desperate need of tuning, but that was the least of his worries. Gerard was sick, so he needed to do something to distract him from his multitude of symptoms. Gentle strums were accompanied by the patter of rain outside, and they were just glad that it wasn't snowing yet. They both agreed during a midnight conversation that rain is the greatest thing on earth.

Gerard was buried in blankets in his bed: he felt too hot yet too cold at the same time. He was hoping he'd be better within twenty-four hours, because he had school and he didn't feel like making up piles of work. Frank had made him tea before he sat down to play him some soft acoustic songs on his guitar. It was still pretty hot, so he swirled the green tea bag around in the mug and watched the little tea tornado.

He was actually becoming rather sleepy, despite feeling as ill as he felt. His body was aching and his head felt like a balloon from all the medicine he took, maybe he took more than the dosage required. All he really wanted was for Frank to climb into bed with him, but he didn't want to give his boyfriend whatever disease he had.

Frank decided to stop playing and tune the damn guitar, while Gerard took a hesitant sip of his tea. If it wasn't for the hot beverage, perhaps he would've fallen asleep right then and there. The medicine he took was really started to take affect.

Every now and then, Frank would look up and smile at Gerard, and he would try his best to return one to him.

"You falling asleep on me, Gee?" He asked, almost finished tuning.

Gerard made an incoherent noise in response; his eyes were closed and he was still holding the half empty mug of tea. Frank set his guitar down and took it away from him, setting it on his bedside table so it wouldn't get spilled.

"Go to sleep, honey," he whispered, and leaned forward to kiss the top of Gerard's head. His hair was a mess and he was ghostly pale, but he still looked just as pretty as he always did.

So Gerard did. He curled into the warm bed and drifted off within mere minutes as Frank stood by his desk and looked at everything laid out on it. There were half finished comics and papers with scribbles that could have been plans. Gerard's handwriting was just as pretty as him, Frank thought. He was an artist, so mostly everything about him screamed art. Even the way he smudged coal black eyeliner underneath his eyes on occasion was art to Frank.

Perhaps Frank thought too much of Gerard, because he was just another person, after all. He seemed a lot more important than that, especially when he looked as precious as he did while he was falling into a cold medicine induced slumber. Looking at him in the dulling light from the window, Frank was hit with a realization of just how much Gerard meant to him.

It wasn't his typical meaningful realization, it was more powerful than any preceding ones. There was something monumental about it that Frank couldn't even comprehend fully. Gerard was just... there, and in such a way that made Frank feel like he could cry. He had it good, so fucking good.

His hair was splayed across the white fabric of his pillowcase, and his face was peeking out of the top of the comforter that was pulled up to his chin. Frank couldn't bring himself to leave, so he just laid down at the end of Gerard's bed and slowly let sleep take him away as well.

 

_December 12, 1981_

Christmas was getting closer and closer with each passing day, and Frank and Gerard were still figuring out what to get for each other. It had been more difficult than they expected it to be, because they both were looking for something more than just a Christmas present.

That's why Frank decided to get sentimental: he was going to write Gerard a song. He wanted to do something that would last forever, and so _Early Sunsets_ was born. It started off as a little poem about a trip to the mall they had a short while ago, but then it slowly turned into lyrics about a couple during a zombie apocalypse. He wasn't too sure where that idea came from; it was just there and it was too good to ignore.

He sat down with his guitar and warmed up a bit, practicing some chords until he felt he had some of it down. Singing wasn't exactly Frank's favorite thing to do, although he made somewhat of an effort as he composed the song. He needed to work on the song until it was flawless, he reckoned. Gerard deserved nothing less than flawless.

He stopped singing, cringing at the sound of his own voice and continued to play a sloppy rough version of the song. It already sounded emotional and heart wrenching, and honestly, that's what Frank was going for. He wanted it to mean something, and it would for many years to come.

-

Meanwhile, Gerard was attempting to sketch a picture of him and Frank together, but all he had for reference was a blurry little polaroid. He remembered the day it was taken, sometime around the start of school. Frank was wearing his uniform, with the tie loosened. There was one of him too, and his hand was in his hair as he stood next to one of those toy machines outside of supermarkets.

He got the idea spontaneously; to draw a picture of the two of them together, frame it, and give it to Frank as a Christmas present. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but once he sat down to actually start the thing, he wondered if he should just buy him some more records instead.

Gerard powered through all the rough sketching and planning, which was by far the worst part. He wanted his gift to be meaningful, because just throwing money at something in a store felt wrong and not very special at all. Time is more valuable than money, anyway.

While he sketched, he thought about how little his parents knew about his life. They could have already known, and although they'd probably be unaccepting, he didn't know for sure. Perhaps he didn't want to take a chance on finding out, because there was just too much at stake. Gerard was happy keeping Frank a secret, at least for now, so that's exactly what he did.

Mikey didn't know anything about them. He just saw Frank at their house a lot, and he thought nothing of his constant presence. Gerard just hoped that he didn't catch on anytime soon, because he was not ready for his parents to find out about his boyfriend.

Despite all of this, he reckoned that if he had to tell anyone first, it would be Mikey. He wasn't a hateful person, and he was pretty quiet. He was also understanding, and it almost made Gerard want to tell him about what was really going on between him and Frank. The only thing stopping him was the fear of Mikey reporting back to his parents about it.

It broke his heart when he thought about going years without telling his parents about his true self. It hurt, ached in a way that Gerard couldn't explain coherently to anyone that had never felt it before. He felt trapped, even though he had the freedom to do pretty much whatever he wanted. It was a metaphorical type of cage, perhaps.

All Gerard knew was that being with Frank felt right - it felt like coming out of a dark haze for the first time in years. Everything seemed bright while he was with him, and if someone had a problem with it, he'd be the one having the last laugh, because he was so fucking happy.

 

_December 25, 1981_

"Are you gonna open it or what?" Gerard had wrapped the frame in dark green wrapping paper the night before with shaky, ink stained hands. He wanted Frank to like the drawing so badly that he was afraid that he wouldn't, which was absolute nonsense.

It was dark outside already; the day had passed effortlessly when it included a family gathering, present giving, and a warm kitchen full of freshly baked food. Gerard knew how easy it was to get lost in, so he didn't freak out when Frank showed up at his doorstep at seven in the evening. Frank brought his guitar, which earned a raised eyebrow from Gerard, but he decided to go with it.

It wasn't a white Christmas at all - nothing like that one song. A bitter chill hung in the air where the suffocating humidity once was. The clouds were invisible and the sky was a pale winter gray. It didn't feel much like Christmas, but the calendar and all the channels on TV said otherwise. There was Christmas music on the radio and lit up trees in windows that were visible even in the streets. Their section of Newark had light up stars on the telephone poles, and it made everything seem a bit more festive. School was closed for a couple weeks for the holidays. They both agreed that no school was the best part of Christmas; they could see each other a lot more.

Gerard had made an attempt at scrubbing away the ink stains on his hands, so that Frank wouldn't immediately know what he had done, but it didn't come off as much as he thought it would. Oh well. He'd find out in a second anyway, because the frame was in his hands and he was ripping the wrapping paper off.

"Okay, _holy shit_ Gee. This is fucking... amazing." Frank's hands held the framed artwork, clutching it like it would disappear. As his eyes danced upon it, he asked: "how did you even hide this from me?"

Gerard grinned, blushing madly in the process. "Hid it under my bed. The hardest thing to hide was the ink on my hands." He then lifted up his sleeves to reveal the black smudges on his fingers and up the sides of his hands. It looked kinda cool, in a way.

"Well, this is definitely better than what I got you... or wrote and composed for you, I guess," Frank said as he set the picture down. He got up and walked across Gerard's room to fetch his guitar.

With that, Gerard's mouth fell open in shock. "You wrote me a fucking song?"

Frank looked down at the fretboard, face flushed, and holy shit, Gerard would be the goddamn death of him. "Yeah... I did. Uh, Merry Christmas, Gee."

When Frank started playing, Gerard couldn't wipe the smile off his face for the life of him. He couldn't take his eyes off of Frank either; he was completely mesmerized by his soft voice and the way he played his guitar. It was getting darker outside, the Christmas sun setting - it was visible from Gerard's bedroom window. He thought about where they started: that day in June at the record store. That day meant more than he ever expected it to, and Gerard wanted to go back six months earlier to thank himself for going to the record store that day.

The song wasn't what most would view as romantic, but to Gerard, it was more than anything. It held meaning, and really, that was all Gerard wanted. He wanted purpose, because he loathed senseless creations.

When Frank finished playing the song, he decided that it was the best Christmas that he ever had. Gerard's eyes were glowing with something that he couldn't put a name on. All he knew was that it radiated warmth, and all things good. He felt whole.

The last chord hung in the air and Gerard had nothing to say. Frank knew. He knew how Gerard felt just by the look on his face. He was happy, ecstatic, even. Getting up off the floor, he made his way to Frank. He was sitting on the edge of Gerard's bed with his guitar in his lap, but soon that guitar was traded for Gerard himself.

Frank smiled when Gerard wrapped his legs around his torso, feeling blissfully close to his boyfriend. Gerard's hands lifted to grab Frank's face, and with that, he brought their lips together. They interlocked so sweetly, and for a moment, Frank was tricked into thinking that it was just a dream.

He ran his fingers through Gerard's hair; it was soft and quickly became entangled in his fingers. "Have I ever told you how pretty you always look?" Frank asked rhetorically when they parted.

Gerard just let his hands fall back into his lap, blushing wildly in Frank's gaze. "Yeah, you have actually," he said as he met his eyes again.

Frank untangled his fingers from his hair, and instead put his hands on Gerard's jean clad thighs. He loved when Frank touched him, even though they could only do it in secrecy. It meant so much to him, and he never wanted it to stop. Frank flipped them over, so that Gerard was lying on his back and he was hovering over him.

"You should put a record on," Gerard suggested, his voice quiet. Frank was close, ready to plant another kiss on his lips.

Frank pecked Gerard's lips for a second time and pulled away with a satisfied smile. "I've got something in mind."

He climbed off Gerard and went to look for the record, silently cursing Gerard for not organizing his records. When his fingers finally were on the yellow spine of the record, he pulled it out and flipped it to show him. "This is one of my favorites, got some good tunes on it. It reminds me of you." He held up _Autoamerican_ by Blondie.

Gerard snickered at him, "just put the damn thing on and get over here!"

So Frank did; crackling filled the room, and he turned the volume down a bit. Gerard's family was still downstairs, so he didn't want to blast it and drawn their attention. That was the opposite of what they wanted.

The first song began and Frank returned to Gerard, hovering over him once more. He leaned down and started kissing Gerard's neck, eventually graduating to sucking on the skin and leaving behind marks. This earned a whimper from Gerard, and Frank played the sound over and over in his mind until it was all he could hear.

"Can I... take this off?" Gerard asked breathily, while holding the ends of Frank's shirt.

Frank nodded, allowing the shirt to be lifted over his head. "You too?"

"Yeah," Gerard said over Debbie Harry's voice coming out the speakers a couple feet away from them.

Something urged Frank to just take a second and take in everything Gerard was. His skin was pale, like porcelain almost. Hazel eyes looked up at him with complete wonder, or so it seemed, and they were fucking sparkling. Tiny rainbows were twisted in his jet black hair; it was so dark that it reflected surrounding colors. His lips: they matched his pale complexion when they weren't kiss swollen, and Frank secretly loved when they were, because it was all his doing.

Gerard squirmed underneath Frank's ruthless stare, "Frank? Are you gonna kiss me, or just sit here and stare at me?"

"If I kiss you, will you shut up?" An upturned mouth.

"Fuck you." A shameless smile.

Frank kissed him - it started off soft and simple, but then quickly turned into frantic open mouths clashing against one another. They went on like that for a few minutes, with Frank gripping Gerard's bare waist and Gerard tugging on Frank's hair. The warmth they created between themselves had the blood in their veins rushing from head to toe in no time.

In fact, the blood was rushing so fast that they could hear it in their ears.

_"...Talk to me now, step into my room."_

The song was perfect for the moment, somehow. It was one of Gerard's favorites, and being there with Frank while it played was making it into one of those nostalgic things. He imagined looking back on the moment with distant eyes, and he hoped they would still be together after many years pass.

_"We'll have a word or two."_

Frank looked like he wanted to say something. His mouth opened and closed, because he was afraid that the words would die on his tongue. "This... this has been the best Christmas I've ever had."

"I can honestly say the same," Gerard replied, enjoying the moment for what it was. He needed to stop thinking about the future so much, and start living in the moment.

"Thank you, for everything. You're amazing."

Gerard reached out to touch Frank's face; a gentle caress. "Love you, Frankie."

"I love you too, Gee."

 

_February 14, 1982_

"So, our first Valentine's Day together." Frank was laying on his back on top of his bed, with Gerard next to him doing the same. Neither of them cared much for Valentine's Day, but they had to admit that it was much better now that they had each other.

"Where are my chocolates and roses?" Gerard asked, turning his head to look at Frank.

Frank chortled. "You're funny, Gee."

"Valentine's Day is for straight people anyway," he replied in a sarcastic tone. Gerard loved that they could be like they were together: both best friends and lovers at the same time. There were times that Gerard would pinch himself; he had to be dreaming it up.

Frank sat up and lit a cigarette, and Gerard followed. He never smoked in his own room, fearing that his mom would find out and get pissed off at him. Over the years, Gerard learned how to hide things from his parents like it was nobody's business: quite literally at that.

"This is romantic, isn't it?" Frank suddenly asked, interrupting the steady silence. "You're not upset that I'm not buying you things or taking you out to dinner and shit?"

Gerard just looked at him like he was fucking nuts. "Frank, I told you that I don't give two fucks about all that cliché shit. It's not like we can go out in public as a couple anyway. As long as you're next to me, in the flesh, I'm happy. This is good."

Frank wrapped his arm around Gerard, and just feeling the warmth of his boyfriend made him incredibly happy. "Good, I'm glad. I feel the exact same actually, I just want to spend all my time with you."

Gerard stubbed out his cigarette in the ash tray on Frank's nightstand, and Frank followed suit. He leaned in and pressed his lips onto Frank's lips - the kiss tasted like cigarette smoke and black coffee. It wasn't much of a Valentine's Day, not in other people's eyes, but to Frank and Gerard: it meant everything.

 

_April 9, 1982_

Time was passing by, seemingly without a single trace, and Gerard couldn't believe that he was turning nineteen. It didn't feel real, and he concluded that time was such a funny thing. It never passed in the same way, at least it didn't feel like it did. It sped up, slowed down, and everything in between.

If Gerard tried hard enough, sometimes he got little glimpses of the future. Perhaps they weren't even what the real thing would look like, but his mind desperately strained to create such images. He wasn't quite ready for the future, because even the thought of it scared him. Those glimpses he saw were only that; windows for him to look through and see himself doing mundane things, like hanging up laundry on a clothesline. They didn't tell him where he would be living, what he would do for a job, or who he would end up with when it all came down to it.

The future was a scary thing, but he didn't want to be scared like he was. He just couldn't help it, there was too much uncertainty to be confident in it.

So Gerard blew out nineteen red wax candles with Frank, Mikey, Lindsey, and some odd family members that actually gave a fuck about Gerard's birthday. He was so glad that it was Friday, because it was his goddamn birthday and he needed a weekend in bed to celebrate.

His face was rosy as everyone in the room sang to him, even though he mentioned beforehand that he didn't want them to. That was pretty embarrassing, but Frank was across the table looking at him with a certain kind of shine in his eyes, and it made it all so much better.

He wished for a happy future, and as the little flames dancing atop the white frosted cake disappeared: he looked up and caught Frank's eyes. A million thoughts flooded his brain, because he wasn't entirely sure what happy meant to him. What he did know was that Frank made him happy, and if he was included in his future, it would undoubtably be a happy one.

-

After everyone left, Mikey was sat in Gerard's room browsing through his record collection. He didn't like nearly as much music as Gerard did, so a lot of the bands didn't interest him. He did particularly like Blondie, though.

He was only fifteen, and Gerard felt like he had to guard his little brother with his life. Kids were nasty at that age, he knew it all too well how they treated one another. But Mikey was smart, and he didn't have too many friends in the first place. Gerard only knew of one friend that he saw often: Pete Wentz. He was a lot like Mikey, and Gerard could tell why they got along as well as they did.

Gerard was organizing his drawing stuff on his desk, lost in thought until Mikey's voice snapped him out of it. "Frank's pretty cool," he said with a record in hand, looking at the back of it.

"Yeah, he is." Gerard was happy to be facing away from his brother in that moment, because he was positive that a blush was coating his cheeks over the mention of his boyfriend's name.

Mikey seemed to be trying to figure out how to word something, for he paused for a few more beats than needed. "Where... where did you meet him?"

Oh god, Gerard thought. He tried not to look so surprised as he turned around to face his brother. He couldn't help but wonder why he was so curious all of a sudden. "At the record store downtown, like last June, I think. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know... you guys just seem really close. You and Lindsey are close, but you and Frank seem closer than that." Mikey was hinting at something, and Gerard knew exactly what it was. Had he caught them talking in his room? How did he know? Gerard was freaking the fuck out inside, chest tightening in panic.

He took a breath noisily as he tried to think of something to say. Fuck, he couldn't lie to his little brother. He would see right past it. Gerard swallowed his pride like an oversized pill, "I guess you could say that." Then he turned back around before Mikey could see his face again.

That action proved to be useless, because Mikey set the record down and came up behind Gerard, sitting on the side of his bed. "What are you trying to hide, Gerard? I can tell there's something you're not telling us. I hate to pry, but I just wanted to know what's going on. Don't worry... I'm not gonna say anything." He stared at the side of Gerard's head so hard that Gerard could feel it.

"Mikey, _leave it_. Nothing's going on, just... go," Gerard replied, the bitterness evident in his tone of voice. His first response was to shut himself in - revealing information about himself was probably the most stressful thing he could imagine. He hated lying, but he felt like he had no choice.

By the time Mikey opened his mouth to speak again, Gerard was facing him. He looked so tense. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to ask if there was anything... going on between you guys. I wanted to tell you that it's okay if there is, it's nothing to be ashamed of."

Gerard looked slightly relieved, "oh." He automatically assumed Mikey would make fun of him and tell their parents. For once, he was glad he was wrong. "I'm sorry for that. I thought you'd freak out."

"Why would I freak out? It's not that big of a deal."

The older of the two sighed, "because people hate people like me. They think I'm wrong, that there's something wrong with me. Mom and Dad would kick me to the curb if they found out. I feel like I have no choice but to hide everything."

Mikey frowned, looking out the window and watching as it got darker and darker outside. "There's nothing wrong with you, Gerard. People hate anyone who's different from them, because they don't understand. I don't care if you like guys, girls, or whoever. That doesn't change anything; you're still Gerard, and you're a person like everybody else."

A smile crept into Gerard's face, and he felt his muscles relax - undoing all the tightness. His heart felt less heavy. Mikey was such a smart kid. He wondered how his brother developed such a different view towards gay people.

"Frank is my boyfriend, by the way." The words felt weird coming out of Gerard's mouth, unnatural almost. He never said them before.

"I'm so happy for you, _really_ ," Mikey said, keeping his voice quieter than his usual talking voice. "He's a lot cooler than you, now that I think about it."

Gerard was gonna punch Mikey for two things: giving him such a scare like that, and sort-of insulting him. "Shut up, asshole," he laughed.

And although Gerard knew Mikey could easily go and tell his parents and most likely have him kicked out and disowned, Gerard also knew that he wouldn't do that to him. They trusted each other too much for that to happen.

 

_June 2, 1982_

Frank's grad party was full of people Gerard didn't know, but he found that he was okay with it. They obviously cared about Frank, so he guessed they all had something in common at least.

Socializing wasn't his cup of tea. That's why his party was just going to be his family, Frank, and Lindsey. He never had more than a few friends at a time. Growing up, Gerard hung around with the same couple people until they stopped talking to him in middle school. He never could make friends easily, he always came across as creepy and strange to people. He wasn't really, perhaps he was a little too awkward for social situations.

So when Frank introduced him to his friend Dewees from Catholic school, he was feeling awfully insecure about his ability to talk to people. But, turns out that Dewees was pretty fucking cool, so they just sat and had a chat about comics and music. Gerard could hardly believe that he didn't fuck up a social interaction for once in his life.

"Frank told me all about you, he's so fucking _whipped_ ," Dewees said before grabbing some more chips from the bowl in front of him. There was so much food everywhere, Gerard couldn't help but notice.

He didn't really mind that Frank told him, because he seemed like a good, accepting person anyway. For the record, Gerard still blushed at the mention of their relationship. "Yeah... feeling's mutual though," he countered, looking down at his hands. The sun was in his eyes, and he wished that the picnic table he was at had an umbrella or something.

Dewees laughed, "he really loves you. Gerard, I'll tell you, Frank's a keeper. We've been close since freshman year, when he was the shy new kid and I was looking to expand my friend group to look cooler, I guess. He's such an inspiring person; he urged me to start playing drums actually."

Right as Gerard opened his mouth to talk, Frank came waltzing over with a plate of cut up watermelon: the juices almost sloshing everywhere due to his uneven steps. "You guys care for some watermelon?"

"Let me take that, before you spill it on poor Gerard here," Dewees judged, and he took the plate at set it down gently on the picnic table.

Frank sat next to Gerard on the bench, maybe closer than he should have considering how many people were there, however: he didn't give a shit. Gerard noticed that Frank was getting more and more free as their relationship progressed, and he was still a bit iffy on the whole PDA thing. He put his hand on Gerard's knee under the table, which caused him to break into a cold sweat. He wished that he didn't care what people thought, and he wished that they would just look away if they saw anything.

Gerard picked up a piece of the watermelon, and the juice dripped down his chin as he ate it. "As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by you," he gestured at Frank beside him.

Frank's eyes caught sight of the juice on his chin, and although he easily could have licked it right off his face, he decided against it and just wiped it off with his hand. "Had a little something there."

"I figured." Gerard rolled his eyes, and Frank swore that it was the cutest fucking thing.

"You guys are ridiculous," Dewees commented, grabbing a piece of watermelon for himself. "Adorable, but ridiculous."

Frank giggled, proving Dewees' previous statement. "True, very true. What were you guys talking about while I was gone?" he asked, squeezing Gerard's knee and sending a shock through his body.

"Music, comics, and you," Gerard answered. He took another piece of the delicious watermelon, careful not to get it all over himself again.

"Okay, so... your wet dream?" Frank was such an ass, but Gerard should have seen it coming. He really should have.

"Oh _fuck off_ , Frank!"

-

The party lasted a lot longer than Gerard expected. The sun was setting; the sky fading from light blue to dark blue. Some stars were even visible, and they glinted from space like tiny diamonds set into the wide expanse of the sky. It would officially be summer in a couple weeks, and Gerard was going out to get a job somewhere while he figured out what the fuck he wanted to do with his life.

The future was a scary thing, but when he was sitting in Frank's room with Frank holding his hand and Dewees across the room fiddling around with Frank's new speakers his parents bought him, it didn't appear so frightening anymore. The world seemed so far away from Gerard's seat on the floor next to Frank, in fact, it hardly seemed real at all. Part of him wished that he could spend the rest of his life on Frank's bedroom floor; he knew that it was only a silly fleeting thought.

So he squeezed Frank's hand and forced himself to stop thinking about the future and what it could possibly hold for him - for the two of them, even. He focused on Frank, and then the sudden burst of sound through the speakers. It helped put his mind to ease.

Gerard reminded himself that everything would come one step at a time; in little advances until his entire world was flipped around. The changes would happen so gradually that he would only notice when he looked at old photographs or read his old writing.

 

_July 23, 1982_

Frank didn't mind his job much. He ended up applying at a new music store that was within walking distance of his house. He was being paid to organize records all day long, which didn't require much brain work, so he could let his mind wander off to wherever he wanted while he earned a little bit more than minimum wage.

He thought about a lot of things during his long hours, mainly Gerard. Even though he had a full time job as well, they still made time to see or call each other. Frank's parents probably thought it was odd that he talked to Gerard so much, but Frank couldn't care less about what they thought. He loved Gerard, and nothing they could do or say would change that.

Gerard worked in a flower shop, making floral arrangements and checking to make sure all the flowers were properly watered. It wasn't the best job in the world, but at least it required some creativity, and Gerard had plenty of that. After some time, he actually grew to like his job more than he expected to originally.

He felt some pressure to decide on his career from no one except himself. His parents weren't pushing him to make any decisions just yet, and Gerard wondered if he needed some type of push to get him to do something. He knew he had time, however, he didn't know how much of it he had. Things were quite blurry when he worked so much.

Gerard felt like he hadn't seen Lindsey in ages, so when they finally hung out, they had a lot of talking to do.

"You know, I think you should take some time off and think about what you want to do. I mean... I figured out that I wanted to go to art school in Junior year, but not everyone decides in high school. Do you have anything in mind?" Lindsey was so supportive of Gerard, and it lifted his mood a lot. He was feeling rather worn down from all the working he did.

Gerard flopped down on Lindsey's bed. It was a lot softer than his, and it was going to put him right to sleep if he closed his eyes for long enough. "Art school. It's the only thing I'm actually good at."

"Don't act like art is your final resort, we both know it's not. I think you should go for it if that's what you want, though. Don't waste your time doing something that makes you unhappy," she said. "I'd hate to see you settle for anything."

Gerard stared at her ceiling, trying to will himself to stay awake. "I'm just afraid that no matter what I do, I won't be good enough at it. I have no motivation for anything but art, because nothing else appeals to me."

Lindsey sighed. She was flipping through a bunch of her old art for nostalgic purposes. "You need time, Gee. Figure yourself out first, go out and try things. Find out what you like and don't like, and go from there. You'll find your calling someday, if you haven't already."

The combination of the sincerity of her voice and the softness of her bed had Gerard drifting off to sleep in minutes. He was just lucky that it was a Friday night, because he was out like a light and he wasn't waking up anytime soon.

Lindsey looked up when he failed to reply, and she noticed that he had his eyes closed. "Gerard? You're asleep, aren't you?"

He was, indeed. She just smiled and tucked him in, knowing all too well that he needed a good rest more than anything.

 

_August 18, 1982_

During the couple months that they had their jobs, Frank and Gerard made almost two thousand dollars between the both of them. They were saving for a better life, though money never promised happiness to anyone. They were planning to move somewhere else someday, somewhere with better opportunities. Frank's dream was to play in a band, while Gerard's was to become a comic book artist. Their dreams were too big for the run down part of the city they resided in, so they would have to seek them out somewhere else.

They both had backup plans; Gerard would an art teacher and Frank would be a music teacher. When they talked about it, they ended up having such similar backup plans that it made them laugh. It could work, though, and they held onto them very tightly.

Sometimes, they thought about it too much. Frank would often zone out in conversation, because there was just so much to think about in regards to their future. Perhaps it was too massive to begin to contemplate. No matter how much he thought about it, or tried to: it never became any more tamable or less frightening.

After work on Friday's, they'd go out to eat together, go record shopping, or to the mall to lose a few hours until they had to go home and sleep. They couldn't really act like a normal couple would, but it was still fun all the same. Gerard learned how to sneak a few touches here and there, anyway.

They'd drive there, so Gerard would have to be more aware than usual; Frank wasn't the best driver. Gerard knew he wasn't the greatest either, but Frank tended to do whatever he wanted, like speeding up to get through yellow lights, and even the occasional red light. He would just tell Gerard to calm down, and that he didn't notice that it changed. That frustrated him. Frank could be a real dick if he wanted to.

They had little disagreements now and then - nothing too serious. They learned to ride right past those things; leaving them in the rear view until they disappeared completely. After all, there was so much more for them to figure out, and so much more for them to get through together. They weren't codependent, they just needed each other for balance. Frank and Gerard balanced each other out, quite like colors on opposite sides of the color wheel. Gerard was an artist, he would know.

 

_October 3, 1982_

"So you know how I started a band with Dewees?"

Gerard looked at Frank from across his couch. They were watching some meaningless bullshit on TV, yet he couldn't find it within himself to pay much attention to it. He was thinking instead. "Yeah?"

Frank grabbed his glass of water off the coffee table, "well, we really need a singer."

Gerard paused, eyes widening. "What are you getting at, Frank?"

"I've heard you sing, you're the only person I can envision fronting this band. We also need a bassist, but that can wait-"

"Lindsey has a friend, Jimmy? He sings. Lindsey plays bass, so there you go." Gerard didn't intend to come across as harsh, he really didn't. He just didn't like being in front of crowds, big or small, and he didn't think his voice was that great in the first place. He had been a bit skeptical of the band thing ever since Frank brought it up a few weeks prior, but he just made the best of it.

Frank took a sip of his water again, then put it back on the coffee table. "Listen, I'm sorry I said anything. I thought you'd want to... sorry for assuming," he replied, not making eye contact with him. Instead, he stared at the TV and pretended like he couldn't feel Gerard's eyes boring into his soul.

"It's not so much that I don't want to, I think it would be awesome... I'm just too awkward to front a band I guess." Gerard wanted to tell him that he didn't have much faith in the whole band dream, but he didn't want to crush Frank's dreams. "I'm not as good as you think I am."

"Could you at least go with me to his house once and try it out? He's got all the tech shit. You can ask Lindsey if she's interested, but... I... I really want to make this work."

That was when Gerard felt like he was getting the short end of the stick. "You know, I have dreams and things _I_ want to accomplish, too. And this whole me being in your band thing, that's just not something you can take and run with. I never... that's never something that I wanted. Please don't drag me into this if I don't want it."

Frank's face was full of shock, like he hadn't expected Gerard to get frustrated with him. "Gee, I never said you have to be in it, I just made a suggestion. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, I wouldn't force you into anything like that."

Gerard was standing now - all the blood rushing to his head from how fast he stood. He didn't want to fight with Frank, not at all. "Can we just let this go? I don't need this stress right now," he said, voice sounding empty.

He walked over to Frank's back door and slipped out into the chilly fall air, pulling his secret pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket. He settled on the second step of three, and fiddled with the lighter for a few seconds before it produced a little flame. Gerard lit his cigarette hastily and took a frustrated drag.

The door opened behind him a few seconds later, revealing an apologetic looking Frank. He took slow, careful steps until he sat next to Gerard. "We can let it go," Frank's soft voice broke the nighttime silence.

Gerard considered what he said before, and felt bad about it: he could have handled it better. "Sorry," he began, "everything gets under my skin lately. I'm constantly worrying about something, whether it be the future... or... I mean, that's all I'm truly worried about anymore. It's fucking haunting me." Gerard stubbed out his long neglected cigarette with the heel of his boot.

Frank cautiously slipped an arm around Gerard, pulling him closer by his midsection. "It's fine, I feel the same way. I guess I just got this thought in my head that if you were in the band, we'd blow up and that would be our career - joint, together. That's probably a terrible idea," he sighed out and rested his head on Gerard's shoulder. He looked to the night sky, as if it had the answers he was looking for, but all he saw were a few very dull stars: it was a cloudy night.

Gerard leaned into the touch; it made him feel better, and fuck, Frank knew him damn well. "Yeah, probably is. More of a pipe dream than anything."

"My brain wants everything to be figured out so it can stop worrying about what life will be like in ten years or so," Frank admitted. "Time is such a weird thing, because one moment, you're young and dependent on your parents, then... _boom_. You're graduated and everything matters all at once. Time is consistent. It doesn't slow down, or speed up at all; our perception of it does."

Gerard turned his head, burying his nose in Frank's hair. "Yeah, you're right. Sometimes I wish I could stay in certain moments forever, and then I realize how fucking stupid that is. What if you could, would you?"

"Would I stay in a single moment forever?" Frank asked, thinking about an answer. "Probably not. It would get boring, wouldn't it?"

Gerard grinned, "now if this was a cheesy rom-com, you'd say that you'd stay in this moment with me forever."

"But it's not, so I wouldn't."

"Sure about that?" Gerard pressed a kiss to Frank's forehead, suddenly feeling a rush of happiness in his chest.

Frank blushed at the gesture, but it went unseen. "Positive. There's always better things to come, right?"

"I hope so."

 

_October 20, 1982_

Gerard changed his mind about the band thing. He mulled over it for a little while, and the more he thought about it and pictured it inside his head, the more appealing it became. There would be balance; he wouldn't get stuck just doing band stuff for the rest of his life. The singing part would be the biggest challenge, because he wasn't experienced and he still didn't like crowds all that much.

His job was getting increasingly tiresome day by day, and Gerard felt ready for a change; to try something new and step out of the bounds of his comfort zone. After work, he quick called Frank to see if he was home, and then walked over as fast as his legs could carry him. There was nothing to hurry about, but Gerard felt like he had to.

When Frank opened the door, Gerard could tell that he had just woken up from a nap. His grown out hair was sticking up in all different directions, and he squinted at the small amount of light let in. "Hi, Gee. What's the-"

"I changed my mind, about the band thing. I'm... willing to give it a try now," Gerard gasped for air mid-sentence, not used to walking so fast.

Frank's face lit up at Gerard's words, "really? Well... alright, I guess I can call up Dewees today or tomorrow and schedule a band practice." He ushered Gerard in, since his parents weren't home from work yet and it didn't matter.

"Good, I was kinda afraid you'd tell me that you already found a singer," Gerard drew out a breath, almost like a sigh of relief.

"If I did then I'd tell them to get lost, because you're better." Frank gleamed at his boyfriend, and he really couldn't help it.

Gerard rolled his eyes. They were stood in Frank's kitchen - it had a very domestic feel to it that he enjoyed quite a bit. "You haven't even heard me sing. Hell, I don't think I've ever tried to really sing, so I guess it'll surprise us both."

"Well, this is gonna be a punk band, so you just need to sound angry anyway. This isn't opera, Gee," Frank laughed, more at himself than anything. "You want a coffee or something?"

"Yeah, yeah. And no, I'm actually gonna get going soon. I need sleep," Gerard answered, suddenly feeling exhausted. He took a few steps towards Frank, and embraced him; he buried his face in the crook of his neck. That was where he truly felt safe.

Frank breathed in his scent: they were so warm and close in each other's arms. "Alright, I can't argue with that. I think I'll go back to sleep, actually," he paused for a breath. "Don't work yourself up over the future anymore, alright?"

"That's... that's not something I can promise. I'll try to push it to the back of my mind."

Frank smiled into the goodbye kiss like a goddamn fool. "Okay."

They parted, and Gerard ventured out into the October air: it wasn't quite a biting cold yet, but he could tell that it was approaching. The sun was going to sleep, and the moon was coming out for its shift in the sky. Gerard wondered if the sun and the moon felt time. He thought about how they both would watch Frank and Gerard's future's play out: day by day. He wondered if they already knew what would inevitably happen.

 

_November 1, 1982_

They couldn't get everyone together for practice until almost two weeks after Gerard told Frank he'd try out the band. Lindsey agreed to come along, though she didn't bring her bass; she just wanted to watch them first. There was a hopeful feeling in Dewees' basement that night, and all four of them could feel it.

Frank had been practicing _Early Sunsets_ with Dewees for a couple weeks, along with some random cover songs he thought would be cool. He told him all about how he wrote the song for Gee, and that it was incredibly special to them. He wanted so desperately for it to be a real song someday, not just a little tune played in the basement of a home in Newark. Frank had huge dreams, and he was hoping that they'd be more than dreams someday.

They played the song without vocals first: Gerard and Lindsey sitting on the side watching them. By the end of the song, Gerard was grinning widely with tears in his eyes, and okay, maybe he was a little too emotional, but it was for good reason. That song was written for him.

Lindsey scooted closer to him, looking at him like he was genuinely upset. She put her hand on his back and rubbed circles. "Gee, don't cry."

"I'm not upset, there are good tears. I'm just... so _happy_." Gerard wiped his eyes with the sides of his fingers, getting some eyeliner on them.

Frank turned on the microphone for Gerard, then looked his way to make sure he was good. His eyes were a little red as he got up and took his place behind the microphone, and fuck, it felt so right. He wished that Lindsey would've brought her bass.

They started the song again, and Gerard looked at the messily written lyrics in front of him. The paper looked rumpled, like it was the original copy of the lyrics. When Gerard began to sing, an adrenaline rush came flooding into his veins, and everything felt so right; falling into place as if it was simply destined to be.

The lyrics fell off his tongue sweetly for the first half of the song, but then he tried something different, and sang the second half in a desperate tone, like he was pleading. It really worked with the song, and he was falling in love with the idea of making music. Gerard had never experienced anything quite like it before.

Lindsey could hardly believe what she was witnessing. She had never heard Gerard sing before, so she was surprised when he sounded as good as he did. His voice fit well with the sweet sound of Frank's guitar and the crashing of Dewees' drum kit.

When the song ended, Gerard felt emotionally spent. It felt good, in a strange way. He had two hands gripping the microphone stand so tightly - he let go when he realized it.

"Holy shit," Frank said, sounding breathless. "You can fucking sing, Gerard."

Gerard didn't know what to say; he surprised himself, honestly. Everything felt so much better than he expected it to feel - it was fucking beautiful. It was almost like the sun opened up and gave Gerard some warmth, and it spread through his entire body.

"This... this feels right." That was all Gerard could will himself to say, as he turned around and faced Frank and Dewees.

"You're fucking in, there's no doubt about it," Dewees said as he stood up from his drum kit.

Frank took Gerard into his arms, clutching onto him for dear life. As they embraced, Dewees came up and latched onto them. Frank enveloped him into the hug. "You in Lindsey?" he asked, yelling slightly.

She ran over to them, embracing her new band. "Fuck yeah I am."

 

_January 14, 1983_

Months flew by, and the band became so significant to the four of them. They had no name, even after a little over two months, but Frank had ideas. They practiced for as long as they could every time, trying to improve so they could be more someday. All of them had hopes, and they weren't afraid of the possible let down because they didn't take the time to vision it. They only saw success.

Dewees was doing research on record labels in his spare time, talking to people and finding out whatever he could. He was the backbone of the band. They hadn't had their first real gig yet, but they did play at Pete Wentz' sixteenth birthday party, so they counted it as something.

They were gathering quite a bit of original material as well: around five or six songs were written and playable. Most of the lyrics were Frank's, though Gerard did add things here and there. He really liked how Frank wrote - he made everything sound intense somehow.

Sometimes Gerard sung their lyrics and he smiled after hearing them, because he felt so confident in what they did. It was going to work out, he had a gut feeling about it.

They had all chipped in some cash to go towards some type of recording device to make a demo tape, which they recorded shortly after Christmas. All four members were so excited to be able to have something physical represent all the hard work and dedication they put into the band over those couple months.

Frank came up with a name after they made the tape: Death Spells. The others seemed to like it, so that was the name in bold black handwriting on the face of the cassette tape. All that was left was to find a record label and get them to listen to it, but that would be the most difficult part of it all.

 

_February 1, 1983_

Frank was running his fingers through Gerard's freshly cut hair. It was a lot shorter now; his ears were even visible from underneath some wispy black locks. They each had a much needed day off of work, and were spending it cuddled up in bed together, among other things.

They were talking about the future. It was a topic they were trying to avoid at that point in their lives, but somehow they both knew that they needed to sort things out at least a little bit. Their plans were quite messy.

"We need a back-up plan, remember," Frank spoke with his hand on the bare skin of Gerard's back. "I hate to say it, but this band thing might not work out how we want it to."

Gerard shuffled closer to Frank, and laid his head on his chest. He could fall asleep if he tried hard enough, and pretend that the future didn't exist. That option sounded so appealing in his mind.

"I know," he countered. "Thing is, are we staying here, or are we packing up and moving somewhere else anytime soon?"

Frank sighed heavily, indulging himself for a moment in the goosebumps he caused with his cold hands on Gerard's naked skin. "I don't know, I mean, I'd like to. It's just... a lot to take into consideration."

"I've always wanted to live in Seattle. I heard it's nice out there," Gerard breathed into Frank's chest, enjoying his warmth.

"That's across the country, literally the complete opposite of where we are now," Frank reminded him, but he was thinking about it, and it didn't sound so bad. "So crazy that it just might work, I guess."

Gerard shrugged, "yeah... I don't want to stay here forever. I know there's bigger and better things in other places."

Frank pulled Gerard into him so that their bodies were flush against one another; they couldn't get any closer even if they tried. "What about the band then? We can't leave and expect them to come with us."

"If the band doesn't work out, then we'll go live somewhere else. Another state. If it does, we can give it time, and then go from there and decide what we want to do," Gerard reasoned. He didn't really have much of a plan, but he spent some time thinking about outcomes and what they could do in certain situations.

Frank thought, and felt confident about what Gerard said. "Alright, and then we could get jobs out there and do what we said we would do before."

Gerard curled into Frank even more, savoring the moment; quite like they did when the summer they met was coming to a close. "Yeah, that would be good."

Frank felt like falling asleep; Gerard was so warm and the world outside of the bed seemed too cold to enter. He inhaled and sighed happily, feeling the weight of sleep in his head. Gerard felt similar. He was ready for a nap himself, so he closed his eyes. He couldn't stop himself from smiling when Frank's hands shifted from his lower back to the very place his tattoo was: he traced the outline of it with his fingertip.

Sleep soon left them unconscious in each other's arms, but they couldn't keep track of time that way, and Gerard's mom would be home in a few minutes time. They had peace: only the temporary kind that fades quickly when somebody finds out something they aren't supposed to know.

-

"Gerard?" Donna called from the bottom of the stairs, listening for a reply from her son. There was nothing, and so she walked up the creaky steps.

When she walked down the short hallway and opened Gerard's door, she was expecting not to see him at all. What she found was shocking, to say the least. Frank Iero was curled up with Gerard, holding him closer than ever, and they seemed to be sound asleep.

Donna didn't know what to do, so she quickly, but quietly, closed the door and made her way back down the stairs. She didn't know what to think, or what to do about what she saw. Perhaps she'd bring it up when Gerard woke up.

-

She did bring it up when Gerard woke up, in fact.

About an hour after his mom found them, Gerard's eyes fluttered open and he was met with a dark sky outside his window. Disoriented with the heavy fog of sleep, he closed his eyes again and cuddled back into Frank's chest. He slowly came to, and the realization hit him like a ton of bricks: his mom was home from work, and Frank was still in the house.

He sat up abruptly and felt his heart sink in his chest - he was so fucking fucked. Gerard scrambled for his clothes, getting dressed and shaking Frank awake.

"Frank! You gotta get dressed, like now," Gerard whispered, trying to buy them some time. He was afraid she'd come up, but he was also afraid that she already had. Which was worse, that he couldn't tell.

Frank stirred, just as confused as Gerard had been at first. "What... why?" he mumbled.

"My mom, she's home. I don't know if she saw us or what... _shit_." Gerard threw Frank's clothes at him, while he made an attempt at fixing his hair in the mirror.

"Oh... fuck." Frank's half-lidded eyes turned into wide ones, and he started to fumble with his clothes.

"Yeah, I mean, there's no point in sneaking out." Gerard frowned. The sinking feeling wouldn't go away and he was so fucking scared of what was about to go down.

When Frank was dressed, Gerard turned to him. "Are you alright?"

Frank felt the same sinking feeling that Gerard felt. "I guess so."

They made their way down the stairs, and Donna was in the kitchen, making dinner it seemed. She turned when she heard footsteps, and she made a weird kind of face when her eyes landed on the two of them.

A minute passed and she said nothing, so Gerard swallowed his pride. "How was your day, mom?"

Maybe Gerard was imagining it, but she looked like she was disappointed. "Fine, honey. Can you go get Mikey and tell him that dinner's ready?"

Gerard inhaled, finding it sort of difficult. "Yeah... I'll get him."

Frank couldn't stand the tension in the room, not one bit, so he followed after Gerard. Mikey was in his room, messing with the bass he got for Christmas.

"Does Mom know that he's here?" Mikey asked Gerard, worried.

Gerard swallowed, "yeah, but... everything's weird. I think she found out."

"Shit, really?" Mikey put down the bass and got up, following them out of the room.

When the three of them came into Donna's view, she said something that surprised them. "Frank, would you like to stay for dinner? I don't mind."

Frank hoped that he wasn't blushing with embarrassment. "Um, no thanks. I gotta get home before my mom has a fit." He waited till she turned around again before grabbing Gerard's hand quickly and squeezing it. "Bye, Gee."

When the front door shut, Gerard thought she'd hit him with the wooden spoon she was dishing out the pasta with. She didn't, she just stayed quiet and handed Gerard and Mikey plates. They sat down at the dining room table, and the silence was unbearable. Gerard wanted to claw his eyes out with the fork in his hand.

It was absolute silence until Gerard gathered the guts to open his mouth. "You know, don't you?" The adrenaline was taking over; he could feel it rushing from head to toe.

"About you and Frank?" She looked him right in the face. "Gerard, I was beginning to suspect things. I... I'm not surprised, I just don't know how to feel."

"I'm sorry." Gerard didn't want to cry, although he had a hard time keeping tears at bay. "I'll leave if you want me to."

She put her hand on his arm. "No, don't. It's going to take me some time. I don't want to hate you, Gerard. You're my son," she paused. "It's wrong... but I won't kick you out for it."

Wrong. That word echoed in Gerard's head. It did in Mikey's too; he truly felt terrible for his brother. All Gerard heard was that one word, repeated over and over in his head like a mantra: _wrong_.

"O-Okay." Gerard didn't say any more, he just gave Mikey a sad glance, put his plate in the sink, and drug his body up the stairs.

When he got to his room, he shut the door behind him and locked it. He then collapsed into his mess of a bed, which still smelled like Frank a little bit. Gerard buried his face into the pillow and took in a deep breath, comforted by the reminder of Frank. It only helped for so long though, because soon enough, the tears he was trying so hard to hold back were flowing out of his eyes. He felt like they were never ending.

He thought about a lot of things, like how it could have gone so much worse. She could have yelled and screamed at him, and told him to get out. Perhaps the way she talked to him was much worse, because Gerard couldn't get that expression out of his head. That word was still hovering around, engulfing his mind and suffocating it: _wrong_.

Gerard cried, not because he thought he was wrong, but because his mother thought he was. He felt awful, he felt like something was ripped right out from his chest and shredded in front of him. It was only a word.

He didn't leave his room for the rest of the night, fearing another conversation with his mom. He was afraid that she hadn't said all she wanted to say, and that she hadn't meant the things she did say. Gerard wondered if she would tell his dad. He knew that his father wouldn't approve, and he wouldn't hold back in saying what he wanted to.

As he stayed locked in his room, thinking about everything and letting it upset him, he let Frank enter his mind. Frank loved him, and someday, they would get away. He wasn't sure when, or where they would go, but they were breaking free from the place they already spent too much time in.

 

_February 10, 1983_

It all felt like suffocation; living in the place they did. Everything had stayed the same from when they were kids. Their part of the city never changed, and it was beginning to urge them into a decision to drive away and never come back.

The band was put on hold for a little since all four of them got too busy, but Gerard continued to write songs. Little bits and pieces found their way into his journal, and he eventually ended up with quite a bit of material to use for lyrics.

Dewees was trying to get anyone with any affiliation with record companies to hear the demos they recorded, although he wasn't having much luck. The people that did hear it didn't love it or hate it, and perhaps that sort of indifference was worse than genuine criticism.

Lindsey was having a blast in art school, and Gerard secretly wished he was there too. He felt like his life had no direction, like nothing was truly certain. All he really wanted was some sort of certainty.

Gerard didn't talk about the Frank thing with his mother again after she found out - it became a silent thing. He still didn't know if she told his father, but he wasn't kicked out yet, so he took that as a no. He didn't want to talk about it, yet at the same time, he wanted to make sure his mom didn't just sweep it under the rug. His relationship with Frank was too serious for that.

Seemingly, being caught up in work helped Gerard cope with everything. He took extra hours when he could, even though he was already exhausted from only working full time hours. He needed to forget, and he didn't know how else to.

He and Frank hardly ever spent significant amounts of money; it all got put into their back accounts and stayed untouched for the most part. They both knew why they were doing it: to save for their getaway.

Gerard thought about it a lot while he was making floral arrangements. The thoughts wouldn't leave him be, and soon, the flowers in his hand seemed to arrange themselves while his mind was a couple thousand miles away. Perhaps the west coast was only one daydream away.

 

_March 25, 1983_

"Guys, we're gonna have to call it quits." Dewees' voice was making it to all their ears, but they all wanted to pretend that they hadn't heard. His words hurt them all too much.

The band wasn't making it anywhere. They all had tried, even resorting to giving their demo tapes to random kids at local shows. They practiced for countless hours a week, but soon those hours dwindled down, due to how busy they all were with their personal lives. It was saddening to think that they didn't have the time to chase their dreams, with school, jobs, and other responsibilities that demanded their attention.

Frank felt empty. "So you're saying that we should give this up? After everything we've done?"

"No, Frank... we can still play, but maybe we shouldn't try so hard to get a record deal anymore," Dewees answered, fearing that Frank would get more upset. He could tell that Frank wanted their dream to become real more than any of them; he believed in the band from day one.

Gerard was sat next to him, holding his hand for reassurance. "Remember what we talked about around a month ago? That this might not work?"

Frank looked at their hands and felt like everything was falling apart. Perhaps he got too ahead of himself all those months ago when they started the band, because he was so sure that they would be able to make something of it. He wanted it so much, still.

"Yeah... I just... maybe I want it too badly," he spoke, voice lowered. "Let's take a break then."

"Sorry, Frankie," Lindsey came over to him and put her hand on his shoulder. "If it makes you feel any better, we all wanted this to work too."

Frank looked at her, eyes full of disappointment. "I know, I know. I hope we can still play from time to time."

"We will, I promise," Dewees chimed in, and got up off his drum kit stool. "Anybody wanna watch Taxi?"

 

_May 8, 1983_

Things were getting better. Although the band was put on hold, they still got together on occasion to hang out and jam out for fun. They weren't taking it so seriously, and that seemed to help matters.

Gerard had just turned twenty the month before, yet he didn't feel any older. Everything felt the same; stagnant at best. They were planning on getting out, and soon, so perhaps it wasn't so bad after all. Things were only beginning to look up, and giving up was no option.

Frank had informed his parents about moving out west with Gerard, and they seemed disappointed at first, but then they began to accept that their baby wasn't exactly a baby anymore. After he let that first confession sink in, it was time to tell them. He didn't want to lie to them any more, he had to come clean.

If they kicked him out, well, that wouldn't do much good anyway. He was leaving: plans were made and they would be on the road to a better life in no time.

-

When Gerard told his, they had a fit. His mother didn't want him to, even though she'd already come to terms with their relationship, and his father was worried that he'd get himself into trouble without family there. Time passed, and soon enough, they caved. Mikey pouted and told Gerard to visit as much as possible, to which Gerard responded to him with a bone crushing hug. Things could be so much worse, he kept in mind.

Rare days off were spent cleaning out their rooms, getting rid of things they knew they couldn't take with them. After all, there was only so much space in Frank's little car.

Frank was helping Gerard put a majority of his old stuff in the attic, since he was afraid to throw it away in case he wanted to come back for it someday.

"Shit, Gerard, how many boxes of miscellaneous garbage do you _have_?" Frank asked, hauling yet another box up the narrow attic steps. His shoulders and back were starting to hurt from all the heavy lifting.

Gerard gave him a look from the bottom of the stairs, even though Frank was turned away from him. "That should be the last one, actually."

He heard Frank groan from up in the attic, and a few seconds later, he was stepping down the stairs hurriedly. When he hit the final step, he stood there for a moment. "Look, I'm taller than you," he said, leaning closer to Gerard.

"I like that you're short, though," Gerard countered. He leaned in until their noses brushed, and then brought their lips together briefly.

When they parted, Frank was smiling. "Well, I don't. Can't reach shit when you're five foot four."

"You're definitely taller than that, come on."

"You wanna measure me then?"

Gerard cringed, "not particularly."

Frank stepped down from the step, exiting the landing and walking back out into the upstairs hallway. "You just _had_ to go and make it dirty, Gee."

"Can you blame me? You brought that one onto yourself, you fuck," Gerard was giggling now, and oh god: Frank was gonna be the death of him. He just knew it.

 

_June 17, 1983_

"When are you two leaving?" Donna asked, while skimming through the morning paper. "And where are you going to live once you get out there?"

Gerard was tired of her asking questions about it now. He understood his mother's concern, but he was fed up with the spontaneous interrogations. He was getting a lot of those lately. "Within the next month or two, I guess. Maybe later. We're gonna get a hotel room for a couple days and scope out apartments," Gerard told her, taking a sip of his warm coffee after he spoke.

Deep down, Donna wanted to stop her son from leaving, but she knew that he was old enough to make his own decisions now. He would take care of himself, whether she was there to make sure or not. "Well... alright. Just, call us, okay? I don't know if we'll be able to visit you, but I hope you come back to visit us."

"Mom, we... I will. I promise." Gerard still felt weird to talk about Frank, even though his parents weren't upset over it anymore. He was still overly cautious, and that wasn't something he could change immediately - it was a habit.

She got up from her seat at the table to put her pale blue mug in the sink. Perhaps it would be Mikey's turn to do the dishes, she thought to herself. "I'm okay with it now, you know. I don't see you as wrong or messed up, because you're happy, just like any other person would be. I want you to be happy, Gerard."

Gerard had no idea what to say to that: he was properly astonished. A couple months prior, he was face down, spilling tears into a pillow over something hurtful that she said about his sexuality. He wasn't sure what happened between then and now, but he was thankful for it. She changed her mind, and suddenly, his life felt a little more safe.

"What... what happened? What made you change your mind?" Gerard was too curious to refrain from asking; he needed to know.

She walked back into the dining room and picked up the paper, getting ready to throw out the old news. "You've been so much happier since you met him. I know my parents strived to take away my happiness, and... they did. I can't let the same thing happen to you."

That was all Gerard needed to hear. He opened his arms and gave her a meaningful embrace for the first time in a long time. Things really were going to be okay.

 

_July 7, 1983_

"I'm really gonna miss you, Gee." Mikey was pouting now, and it broke Gerard's heart.

"I promise I'll call you guys as much as I can, Mikes. I'm gonna miss you too." Gerard stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Mikey. He'd got to be taller than Gerard due to his recent growth spurt, which Gerard kind of envied.

Mikey didn't pull away from the hug like he normally would have, he instead appreciated that his brother was still there in the flesh. "I can have your room, right?"

Gerard pulled away and slapped Mikey's arm playfully. "Oh fuck off," Gerard giggled. "Of course, I'm moving out. It's basically empty, all that's left is my furniture."

Mikey smiled, but it soon faded. "I still can't believe you're moving so far away. I always thought you'd just stay here like everybody else."

"Have I ever been like everybody else though?"

"True. You should go say bye to Mom and Dad now, Frank's probably getting impatient," Mikey suggested, suddenly thinking about Frank standing outside the packed car: pacing back and forth.

Gerard laughed. "Yeah, he probably is. Where are they?"

Mikey left the kitchen and walked into the living room, discovering that they weren't there. "I don't know, they were just here a couple minutes ago," he called from the other room.

Gerard walked towards the front door and opened it, finding that his parents were standing on the sidewalk talking to Frank. His heart sank, even though they already knew all there was to know. Perhaps his body wasn't in tune with what his mind knew.

With Mikey following behind, he stepped outside into the humid mid-summer air. He felt like he should be at work, with his eyes glued to a floral arrangement and the floor covered in various stems and leaves. He had put in his two weeks notice, and so had Frank. They both did early enough so they'd get a few days off to say goodbye to everyone - they took great advantage of those days.

Gerard was surprised to see Lindsey and Dewees next to Frank. "Oh, hey guys."

His parents turned around when they heard the sound of his voice. "Gerard, your friends are lovely. It's a shame that you can't take them with you," Donna said, smiling at Dewees and Lindsey.

"Believe me, we'd love to take them with," Gerard replied. "So, I guess this is it then."

Frank laughed softly, almost to himself. "You're making it sound like we're never coming back!"

"We will, though. I just don't know when," Gerard said to all the important people surrounding him.

"Get yourselves situated first, then worry about coming to see us," Donald spoke, looking at Gerard and then at Frank.

"Alright." Gerard was squinting from the brightness of the setting sun, and he took that as a sign that they should get going. "Ready to get going?"

Frank nodded, "yeah." He had sunglasses on, but they didn't hide the smile on his face.

Gerard hugged both of his parents, promising then that they'd see him again. They still couldn't believe that their son was going to live two thousand miles away from home; it was otherworldly to them. No one in their family had ever even been out west before, so Gerard was doing something very out of the ordinary.

Mikey hugged him one last time, and Gerard could've sworn he looked on the brink of tears. He went in the house with their parents after a few minutes, and then it was just the band left standing out on the sidewalk. The day felt endlessly long, since Frank and Gerard had been up at six in the morning, checking to make sure they didn't forget anything. There's simply too much to do and think about when you're about to drive across the country.

"Well, good luck to you two. I hope everything works out. You're gonna keep in touch, alright?" Lindsey was hugging Gerard like she'd never see him again, and perhaps it felt like that, but she knew he'd come back eventually.

Gerard squeezed her, "thank you, of course we will. I wrote everyone's numbers down in my address book."

Lindsey pulled away from the tight embrace and grabbed Gerard's shoulders. "I'm so proud of you, Gee," she told him, eyes becoming teary. "You've grown so much since we met, and I've been here to see it all."

Gerard was smiling from ear to ear, and he was beginning to feel the familiar sting of tears behind his eyes. "Don't get all sappy on me, for fuck's sake. Thank you, though."

Dewees was next. "Oh, Gerard. I remember when Frank wouldn't shut the fuck up about you and I was honestly getting sick of hearing your name." He earned a punch in the arm from Frank for that one.

Gerard hugged him, laughing. He didn't think he'd hugged so many people in the same day before; it was weird but nice all the same. "I'm gonna miss you being there to hit Frank with drumsticks when he's being a little bitch."

Frank had to laugh at that one. "Alright, enough beating me up. One last band group hug?"

They all huddled together and hugged; a mess of arms. They laughed and simply enjoyed their last moments together before Frank and Gerard hit the road. It was bittersweet as they both got into the car, waving at Lindsey and Dewees as they drove off down the street. Neither of them spoke until they hit the highway: too caught up in their thoughts to run their mouths.

Gerard had the map of the entire country in his hands, and as he stared through it; he realized what they were doing. They were getting out of their dead end part of the city, and trading it for a place they had never even been to before. Seattle held promise, despite how far away it was. Making it there in one piece would be the hardest part, and they were both ready to look all those miles in the eyes and conquer them.

They planned to stop a lot so they wouldn't get carsick during their long journey. Besides, there would be plenty of things to see on the way there. Frank dreamed about all the places they would drive through, everything so new and undiscovered to them. It was almost as if he could see the entire two thousand miles stretched before him right then and there. He felt incredibly small when he thought about it.

Approximately thirty minutes had passed when Gerard got bored of the silence. "I... I can't believe this is happening. We're actually doing this."

"I can't either. I never thought it would actually happen. People talk hypothetically all the time, you know?"

Gerard closed the book of maps in front of him, "yeah, I didn't really believe myself at first."

Frank's hands loosened on the steering wheel, and he relaxed a bit more. There was nothing to worry about at that point in time: the gas tank was nearly full, they had all their money, and they even packed some water and snacks for the road. Everything was fine, although it took Frank some convincing to calm himself down and focus on the road.

The sun was lowering in the sky, but it was still a couple hours from sunset. Gerard kinda liked the long days of the summer months; he liked that it only got completely dark outside after seven. Newark winters depressed him, luckily he wouldn't have to experience another one for quite some time. That thought comforted him, and he could use some comforting with all the highway miles he'd have to endure. At least Frank would be by his side the entire time.

They'd been driving with the radio quietly playing for quite some time, and Gerard was beginning to fall asleep with his head between the window and the headrest of the seat. It was weirdly comfortable, so he just went with it and let himself nod off.

He dreamed of nothing in particular, just him floating around space and time with no direction. When he woke, they were parked in a parking lot, and he had no idea where they were. The sun was only beginning to set, so he couldn't have been asleep for very long.

Gerard sat up properly and stretched as much as he could in Frank's little car. "Where are we now?"

Frank opened the door and let some fresh air in. "Still in Pennsylvania."

"Fuck," Gerard sighed out. He knew that it would take at least four or five days for them to get out there, but that didn't change the fact that it felt like forever.

"This is a diner, wanna go in and eat dinner? This will probably be our last stop until we find a hotel," Frank said, getting out of the car and stumbling a little bit from sitting in the car for so long. He was getting tired, Gerard could tell. He made a mental note to offer to drive until they found where they were staying for the night.

Gerard got out of the car, feeling his legs go numb instantly. "Yeah, that sounds good. I'll drive after."

"Okay."

-

When they exited the diner, it was nearly six in the evening. They had a good four or five hours until they would become exhausted, so they hurried to the car and hit the road once more to put in some more miles.

Gerard fumbled with the radio, settling on some random station that was coming in well. He had one hand on the wheel and one in his hair; elbow resting on the door of the car. Frank was holding the map, Gerard could tell he was looking at the state map of Pennsylvania. It felt like they would be in the same state forever; they were hardly halfway through it.

They didn't talk much during the drive that night, just listened to the radio and the static it occasionally produced. Gerard set his hand on top of the center console, and Frank placed his hand on top of his, curling his fingers around Gerard's hands like he had done countless times before. Gerard smiled - things felt a lot more simple than they actually were in that moment in time.

When Blondie's _Heart of Glass_ began flowing through the speakers, Frank leaned forward and cranked it up. The windows were down, letting in the cooler night air at a rapid speed. Suddenly, that part of the highway felt infinite, and Frank decided that everything would only get better from there on out.

-

Fatigue hit them at around ten thirty. They had been on the road for almost ten hours already, and they desperately needed to rest up so they could drive as many miles as they could the very next day. Gerard pulled over as soon as he saw signs for hotels, and they found a Holiday Inn. They grabbed their bags they packed especially for hotel stays and checked in.

By the time they got in the room, it was already a few minutes past eleven. They brushed their teeth together, then stripped off their clothes that had stopped being comfortable long ago, and climbed into one of the pure white beds. Gerard was smart enough to ask for two beds, just so old woman at the desk wouldn't give them a questioning glance and ask them to leave. It was easier to air on the side of caution than to take unnecessary risks.

Sometimes Gerard felt like he was covering his tracks, like he was breaking the law somehow. He wasn't, but loving someone who was the same gender as him made it feel a whole lot like committing a crime. He blamed it on the way people were: their mentalities were intolerant of anything they couldn't understand.

Frank cuddled up to Gerard, just like he would if they were still in Newark. He pressed kisses to Gerard's neck, calming him down. He wanted to sleep more than anything, but he also wanted to stay awake with Frank the entire night and just be aware in his presence. Maybe sleep was the better option, because Gerard's eyes were burning.

Frank pulled him closed by the backs of his bare thighs, and Gerard responded by wrapping his legs around him. They couldn't get any closer if they tried now, but that didn't mean that Frank wasn't going to try. His hand trailed down Gerard's back and fell upon the curve of his ass, which woke him up quite a bit.

" _Frank_... let's sleep," Gerard murmured in the silence of the little room. As much as he would love to stay awake and fool around with his boyfriend, they were on a journey to a better life, and they wouldn't get very far if they just stayed up all night in hotel rooms and slept in till it was time to leave each day.

Frank sighed against Gerard's neck, sending a little shiver through his tired body. "But I wanna fuck you," he breathed out, rather nonchalant.

Gerard blushed madly, although Frank couldn't see it. "We can do that some other time, alright? Let's sleep now." Gerard held him closer, rubbing circles into his back. If soothing him wouldn't work, then Gerard didn't know what else he would do.

"Ugh, fine," Frank hardly annunciated. The air conditioner kicked on after he uttered his words, and they both were slowly lulled to sleep with the aide of each other's warmth and the coolness of the room.

They had a lot of driving to do the next day, and Frank was just hoping that Gerard wouldn't tease him the whole time.

 

_July 8, 1983_

Frank was woken up by Gerard pressing kisses onto his face. "Come on, Frankie, it's already six!" Gerard's voice was breathy in Frank's ears, and oh fuck: it was going to be a long day.

"Already?" Frank muttered, voice groggy.

He typically took forever to wake up, so Gerard had a plan. He came up with it the night before, a few moments before he fell into a deep sleep. "Yeah, let's go shower before we go."

Frank sat up in the stark white sheets, feeling dizzy. "Did... did I even sleep at all?"

"You slept like a baby. Now hurry up, we don't have all day," Gerard said as he pulled the covers completely off Frank, which earned him a dirty look. Gerard wasn't sure that Frank understood him the first time, so he decided to just tell him, flat out. "You're getting a shower with me."

Frank's eyes went wide, because even though he had seen Gerard naked numerous times, this time felt different. They were on their own now, on their way to a life of their very own. There was no hiding or trying to be quiet, there was only the two of them in a hotel room in a state they didn't live in. Suddenly, life felt limitless. Time didn't feel so restricting as it once had.

So Frank practically jumped out of bed, rushing to the bathroom where Gerard had already started the water and got in. When he got in after him, they looked at each other for a few seconds; the only movement being the water falling around them. He took in the sight of Gerard's jet black hair, and how it fell around his eyes. Water droplets were on his face, one in particular dripping down and making contact with his upper lip. He looked so beautiful.

Frank grabbed him by the waist and kissed him for all he was worth, like it meant the entire world - it felt like it did. Gerard sighed against his lips; he was so happy, and they weren't even close to Seattle yet.

They began to wash each other, realizing that they needed to get back on the road, and soon. Frank tangled his fingers in Gerard's hair, massaging his scalp and smiling when him leaned into his touch. When he turned around, Frank could see the stick and poke tattoo that he had given Gerard almost two years prior. It didn't feel like that long at all; he could picture it like it was only yesterday. He smiled, remembering his own that Gerard gave him.

Frank reached out to touch it, tracing the numbers permanently etched into his boyfriend's skin. Gerard turned the water off and turned around to meet Frank's eyes again. He pressed a kiss to Frank's cheek sweetly.

They got out of the shower without a word, fumbling with clothes and towel drying their hair in a rush. Breakfast would have to be picked up on the road.

"Ready to go?" Gerard asked, Frank beside him, holding his bag in his hand.

Frank looked back to make sure they didn't forget anything. He then realized that only one bed was slept in: the other remained perfectly made. "One second," he said. He rushed over to the made bed and made it look slept it, ruffing up the sheets and the pillows. "There."

Gerard laughed. "Wow. Do you really think they'd care?"

"You never know."

-

They had breakfast at another diner that was nearby, and then hit the road. Frank watched as the miles on his car increased: the little dial reading just over fifteen thousand. It would be well over that once they were finished their trip.

Gerard messed with the radio some, once again settling on a station with a strong signal. He didn't feel too tired, so when they stopped for bathroom breaks, they swapped. Frank took a nap until noon, and while he was asleep, Gerard thought about home.

He didn't miss Newark yet, not at all. He only missed the people he left behind. Perhaps it would have been better if he could have brought his family and friends with him. He was going to miss their company. At least he had Frank, and he wasn't all alone.

They hit Ohio around noon. Frank woke up a few minutes after they passed the sign for the new state. He stretched and yawned, the map still sitting in his lap. "Where are we now?" he asked.

"Ohio, finally," Gerard replied. He glanced at the gas gauge, and saw that they were on E. "Look out for a gas station."

Frank sat up and saw an exit. "Take that exit, there's a sign for gas."

Gerard took the exit, putting on his turn signal for the gas station. He was looking for places to eat as well, since it was lunch time and he was getting pretty hungry after all the sitting in the car.

When Gerard got out of the car, Frank followed. His legs felt stiff and awkward, so he leaned on the car for stability. He watched the numbers on the pump with tired eyes, not feeling very awake or aware of his surroundings. Perhaps that would work against him in that situation.

Because Gerard left to go pay for the gas, slipping into the little shop and disappearing for a short time. Frank saw a man approaching him from the corner of his eye, and suddenly: he was awake.

"Hey, fag!"

Frank didn't want to look at the man, but he did. His heart was beating out of his chest, fear coursing through his veins a million miles a minute.

"Don't be rude, speak!" He was a couple feet away from Frank, and inching closer with each word he yelled. There were other people at the neighboring pumps, but it seemed that they didn't care enough to intervene or say anything to deter the man from harassing Frank.

Frank panicked and got in the car. He scrambled to lock the doors, and when he saw Gerard coming out of the glass doors, he pleaded to whatever deity that he would hurry the fuck up. When he reached for the handle, Frank unlocked it and waited for Gerard to get in until he locked it once again.

Gerard gave him a confused look. "What-"

Frank started the car and pulled out of the station. He hurriedly got back on the road. "Some asshole called me a fag and yelled shit at me, it could have been worse though."

Gerard sighed. "Shit, Frank. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you alone."

"He probably would have tried something on us either way. People are fucking crazy. We're not bothering anyone, so why must people go out of their way to bother us?"

"Because they can't handle the thought of everyone else not being exactly like them." Gerard looked out the window, and thought about what he just said. It was undeniably true.

Frank turned and got back on the highway. "We should probably go a little farther so we don't run into that guy again."

"Yeah, you're right."

They drove for another fifteen minutes, then took another exit. They ended up in a small town with plenty of places to eat, and it even had a music store. Gerard bought some more Blondie, and Frank asked if he was planning on leaving him for Debbie Harry. Gerard told him he'd think about it.

 

_July 9, 1983_

Frank was tired of staring at the road; it was beginning to look like television static more and more with each mile they drove. They were in the middle of Wisconsin, and he could slowly feel himself going insane. He didn't want to be stuck in the car anymore, he wanted to be home in bed and sound asleep.

He knew it would take some time before everything was worked out, but Frank worried about everything all too much. He worried about them getting jobs and finding somewhere to live, as well as running out of money. They had more than enough, so it wouldn't be an issue. Frank's mind just wouldn't let him rest - he was given too much time to think in depth about everything.

Gerard was behind the wheel, humming a song that Frank knew, but couldn't name. Life felt foggy on the road. Gerard complained of feeling carsick the night before, to which Frank laid with him and rubbed his back to hopefully take away the sickness. He claimed that it helped.

The hours bled together, and by the time they reached Minnesota, they were beat. They checked into a hotel just outside of Minneapolis, and as soon as their heads hit the fluffed hotel pillow: they were asleep.

 

_July 10, 1983_

Gerard woke Frank up with kisses every single day, and somehow: it helped make the long car rides more bearable. They were a little over halfway there; making progress with every mile they spent trapped inside Frank's car.

"Let's spend an extra hour on the road tonight," Gerard proposed, half expecting Frank to say no. They were getting out of bed, very reluctantly at that. At least this hotel room had its own coffee maker.

Frank groaned, "alright, fine."

Gerard turned on the foreign coffee maker, listening to the weird noises it started to make. "We'll get there in less time if we drive more, and what's another hour or two anyway."

"I feel like I was born and raised in that goddamn car," Frank complained as he entered the bathroom. This one was a lot smaller than usual, but it would have to do for the two of them. "Ready to share this tiny shower?"

Gerard smiled - they had made a habit out of showering together at the hotels they stayed at. It gave them something to look forward to each day, which did a lot to help their situation. It was difficult to wake up every day when they both knew how much time would be spent in the car staring at the road.

Sometimes things got a bit heated, although they never fucked in the shower before. They never had the time, so it was limited to messy blowjobs and fingering. That's just what they did that morning, and when they got out of the shower: they were both smiling. They drank coffee together, and then they were ready for their long day of driving.

-

That night, they were curled up together in a hotel bed in the middle of North Dakota. The window was open, for the night was breezy and cool, and the streets were silent. The occasional car passed; a soft whooshing sound amidst the quiet. Somehow, Frank wasn't tired, but Gerard was falling asleep on him.

"We're almost there," Frank whispered, running his hand through Gerard's soft hair.

Gerard leaned into the soothing touch - he didn't want Frank to stop touching him. "We still have Montana to go through," Gerard replied. "That state's fucking huge."

Frank exhaled, and noticed that Gerard's eyes were open again. "Well, yeah, but look how far we've come already. A week ago, we were still at home."

"That reminds me, I should call my parents and Mikey to tell them I'm not dead." Gerard curled into Frank more, not wanting to leave his side, not even for a second.

Frank's hands parted from Gerard's hair, and instead grabbed his hands: holding them in his own. "Go to sleep, you can in the morning."

Gerard looked into his eyes, despite the low light. "What about the time difference? It'll be too early there."

"Stop worrying, we can stop and use a payphone quick." Frank was beginning to feel the hours catch up to him; he was tired. "We need to sleep, Gee."

Gerard felt Frank let go of his hands, and they were instead placed on the small of his back. He closed his eyes, waiting sleep to envelope him. Frank did the same, and before they knew it, it would be morning once more, and they would continue their life on the road.

 

_July 11, 1983_

Mikey was bored out of his mind. He'd usually go bother his brother, but it was no normal summer. His brother was making his way across the country, and Mikey was still stuck in plain old Newark. He kinda wished he was with them, because he had nothing to do with his time.

There were times where he'd just invite Pete to walk around the city, since there wasn't anything else he wanted to do. Practicing bass grew boring after some time, and he thought about playing in a band just like his brother. Perhaps that would give him something significant to do with the rest of his summer.

Pete was sort of like his only friend, so Mikey was shit out of luck with that one. He wasn't great at talking to people, neither was Gerard. He missed Gerard more than he would like to admit, and so did his parents.

Mikey wasn't lonely, he just wished he was better at socializing. Pete offered to take him to meet his other friends, to which Mikey accepted. If he wanted to start a band, he was going to need to know some people first.

-

Gerard called his house at around noon where he and Frank were, so it had to be late morning at home. He waiting for a few seconds, listening to the dial tones, until he heard somebody pick up on the other end.

"Hello?" It was Mikey, and Gerard was so happy to hear his voice again.

"Mikey! It's Gerard. I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm not dead. We're somewhere in Montana right now." Gerard looked over at Frank, who was smiling; probably because of what Gerard said.

Mikey breathed a sigh of relief, "wow, thank god. Mom was really starting to worry, you know her. They're not here right now, but I'll tell them you called."

"Yeah, it's been so hectic since we left. I don't think I want to be in a car ever again after this trip."

"I can imagine. How long do you guys have to go yet?"

Gerard looked at Frank again, "I'm not sure? Maybe another two days."

"Only one if you get off the phone soon enough!" Frank chimed in.

"I'm sorry, only one more," Gerard said again. "Alright, I guess I should go. Make sure you tell Mom and Dad that I called! I don't want them to worry too much."

"Okay, bye Gee. Love you."

"Love you too Mikey, bye!"

-

They drove until eleven that night, and according to the state map: they were very close to the border of Idaho. Frank would have driven all through the night instead, if Gerard didn't complain of back pain. It seemed that all those hours cooped up in the little car with all their stuff was beginning to take a toll on his body.

So Frank found a hotel, and he realized that they'd reach Washington in less than a day's time. He let his heart flutter, because they would finally be where they wanted to be, after all that time. They would just have to find a cheap hotel to stay in for a few days, find jobs, and then a place to rent. It seemed easy, until he thought about it in more depth.

They would make it through, despite the obstacles that stood in their way. With perseverance, they could do almost anything together.

 

_July 12, 1983_

Waking up at five in the morning was quite the pain in the ass, but they did it, nonetheless. It was Gerard's idea - he thought that they could get in state earlier and explore a little. Frank was all for that idea, he wanted to get a feel for the place before they decided to settle down there.

They felt more inclined to get on the road that day, knowing that their long journey was coming to a close. Euphoria, that was what it felt like, and it felt simply amazing.

When they crossed the border into Washington, Frank turned the radio up; David Bowie was on. Gerard couldn't stop smiling, because he felt so happy that it all just came gushing out. The windows were down, and the sun was high in the sky: things felt simple and endless.

 

_July 16, 1983_

"I found a place for us to rent," Frank announced as he came through the hotel room door. They were about ten miles outside of Seattle, and the place Frank found was about twenty miles outside of the inner city. It was perfect, he couldn't wait for Gerard to see it.

Gerard put down his sketchbook, "let's go see it then."

The house was small, but it was perfect for them. It had two bedrooms and one bathroom; a tiny two story with a little yard in the back. There was a phone number on the rental sign - Gerard wrote it down in a little notebook from Frank's glove compartment.

"So, what do you think, Gee?" Frank asked, standing with his hands on his hips in front of the house.

Gerard looked around: the neighborhood seemed quiet, and it felt right. "It's... it's perfect for us."

And so Frank called the number when they got back to the hotel, and all they had to do was set up an appointment to be taken inside the place.

It wasn't so easy at first, but things were falling into place, piece by piece. A day after they arrived in the state, they went and applied for the best paying jobs they could find. Frank put in for another job at a music store, and Gerard found one at a greenhouse. Frank got a call back a day later, and he got the job. Gerard was still waiting for his call back, though he expected it to be soon. Once they saw how good he was with plants, they'd hire him in a heartbeat.

 

_July 28, 1983_

Moving in to a new place wasn't very difficult for Frank and Gerard, considering that they hardly brought anything with them. Luckily for them, the house came furnished, and the security deposit didn't drain their savings. They still had a good chunk of change, but they couldn't live off it forever. At least they got the first jobs they applied for; Gerard just wondered when their lucky streak would run out.

On the first night they moved in, Frank set up his record player and speakers, and alphabetized their record collection. It felt weird to combine all their records together, yet also strangely good at the same time.

"What are you gonna play?" Gerard asked from the kitchen. They already went grocery shopping, and they were quite tired from all the running around they did in so little time.

Frank pulled out Gerard's favorite David Bowie record: _Hunky Dory_. "You'll see."

He placed the record on the turntable and placed the needle, turning it up loud enough that it could be heard throughout the whole house. Gerard walked into the living room and plopped himself down on the couch, which was quite unattractive to the eye, but it was pretty comfortable. That, or he was so tired that he didn't seem to notice.

"I could fall asleep right here," Gerard snuggled into the couch, feeling the weight of exhaustion on his eyelids. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, until he felt Frank come over and straddle his stomach.

"Can you believe we have a place of our own? Like... this is ours." Frank grabbed Gerard's wrists excitedly. Gerard didn't know how the hell he wasn't falling asleep yet.

Gerard looked at him with tired eyes. "I mean, it's not technically. But it's nice to think of it that way." He curled his fingers around Frank's wrists when he let go of his, smiling.

"Don't be a dick just because you're tired," Frank beamed at him. He took it upon himself to sprawl his body out on top of Gerard - their bodies were flushed against one another.

"We've got work tomorrow, we should probably be sleeping and not jamming to David Bowie, as awesome as he may be."

Frank groaned, defeated. "Alright, fine. We'll have time later in the week I guess." He kissed Gerard's cheek quickly, then climbed off of him.

He made his way up the stairs, everything feeling foreign: from the color of the walls to the creaking of the wooden steps. Eventually, those things would become everyday things, and Frank was looking forward to it.

The master bedroom was nicely sized for a small house, and the bed looked comfortable and quite inviting. It had a brand new mattress, as brought up by the landlord. He was an older man, but very kind and seemingly accepting. Perhaps he suspected that Frank and Gerard weren't just roommates. There was no way of telling, though.

There were no sheets on the bed yet, but Frank luckily bought some on their road trip. They wouldn't be needing a comforter, since it was summer and a second story bedroom. Heat does rise, after all. He turned on the lights and opened the window, and was delighted to hear the sound of rain. It would help cool down the hot mid-summer day.

As he made the bed to the best of his ability, he thought about home. Perhaps he would call his parents after work, they were probably dying to hear from him again. He could send them letters too, but phone calls were much easier and faster. The long distance charge wasn't so nice though, maybe he would try writing a letter.

He walked across the room to turn out the lights, and wondered what Gerard was doing downstairs. It was awfully quiet down there, so he figured that he should check on him.

When he made it to the living room, he wasn't surprised to see Gerard asleep on the couch. Frank smiled at the sight: he looked so sweet and innocent. He wished he had his camera on hand to capture the moment.

He walked up to Gerard; he didn't stir in his sleep at all. He must have been exhausted, and the couch probably wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep, so Frank hooked his arms underneath Gerard's knees and his shoulders. Carrying him up the stairs wasn't exactly easy, but he managed it. It wasn't that Gerard was heavy, it was just that Frank had close to no upper body strength.

Frank couldn't see, but Gerard's eyes fluttered open as he was picked up. He felt so safe and well in his arms - it was a place he wanted to stay forever. When he felt his back press onto the bed, he spoke: "Frank?"

Frank was hovering over him, "yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too, Gee."

 

_August 9, 1983_

Getting settled in wasn't even the hardest part of moving across the country, at least that was what Gerard thought. It was the unfamiliarity of everything, and okay, maybe settling in was more difficult than he initially thought it would be. He had no idea where anything was, and he didn't know anyone except for Frank.

He was just glad that he and Frank didn't fight very much, if ever, because he wouldn't do well all by himself in a state that he was mostly unfamiliar with. Sometimes Gerard worried that Frank would bail on him somehow, but he quickly dismissed such thoughts. They were only thoughts.

Frank ended up not needing his car to drive to work, because he it was only a ten minute walk to the music store from their house. It worked out perfectly; Gerard needed the car to drive to his job, which was only a fifteen minute drive away.

On those drives, he thought about his future, and where he wanted to be in ten years time. He wasn't entirely positive what he wanted to go to school for, but he was thinking about being a teacher. It started off as hypothetical thinking, then soon blossomed into an idea that just might work.

Gerard could see himself becoming an art teacher. He wanted to help kids express their creativity, and take their minds off of the real world, even if it was just for a little while. Maybe everyone didn't use art the same way he did, though he reckoned that it was the best way to go about such a thing.

When he brought it up to Frank, he was a little scared. "So... I've been thinking about something."

Frank looked away from the TV, and at Gerard. "Oh god, just say it. You make me worry."

"Don't worry," Gerard laughed. "I'm _not_ leaving you, believe me."

"What is it then?"

Gerard shifted closer to Frank. "I kinda wanna be a teacher, an art teacher. Remember? It was my back up plan that I told you about back home."

Frank's hand was suddenly on Gerard's thigh, and his eyes went warm. "You can whatever you want, whatever makes you happy," he said. "As long as it'll make you happy, I think you should go for it."

Gerard's face hurt from how wide he was smiling. "You really think I should?"

"Yeah, I do." Frank was so supportive, and Gerard honestly wanted to melt right then and there, on their sofa. "You wanna know what I'd like to do now that the band thing is no longer an option?"

"Hmm?"

"Something with music, like even teaching guitar to a bunch of snot nose kids would be good. I want to be inspiring, I guess... not just some guy who alphabetizes records and shit all day." Frank stretched, then leaned into Gerard's side.

Gerard began to run his hands through Frank's hair, messing it up. "Then do that, if that's what you want," he replied, voice soft and sweet.

Frank pulled his head off Gerard's shoulders. "But... how?"

"You'll find a way. There's time for you to figure things out, just relax and take it a step at a time." Gerard pushed a lock of hair out of Frank's eyes, and leaned forward to kiss him.

Perhaps the kiss resembled a promise that things would work out somehow, or maybe something much more than that. Either way, the two of them were on their way to a life they wanted more than anything, and getting there felt like truly living.

 

_April 14, 1984_

The floral wallpaper in their kitchen was a bit ugly, but it was one of the many things that they'd become used to amidst all the settling in. Various records were left out, scattered in front of their record player and speakers. Dishes sat piled in the sink and one of them nagged the other to do them - white and blue plates and mugs with metallic silverware. Their bed was rarely ever made; tan sheets and white comforter askew, appearing slept in. Creaky stairs in the morning were paired with the scent of coffee drifting slowly up to the second floor. Their house began to feel more like home with each passing day.

Routine set in shortly after they moved there. They woke up at the same time each morning, sitting at the table in the kitchen and sharing breakfast together before kissing each other goodbye and leaving for the day. When they got home, they'd shower and watch TV or listen to their favorite records together. Life felt awfully simple and just plain easy when they were making out on the couch with a good record on in the background.

Gerard started going to school for a degree back in September, following excitedly after his teaching dream. It felt in grasp, as if it was in his vision and it was approaching him. His hands were desperate to grab it, but he wouldn't be graduating for another couple years. Time would fly, though, just like always. It would all end up a blurry memory someday - summarized in only a few sentences. That thought comforted Gerard whenever he felt stuck.

Although Frank was still working at the music store, he was working on his own musical things outside of work. Their neighbor was a guy by the name of Ray Toro, who was around their age. Once Frank learned that he played guitar, he exclaimed that he did too, and ever since then they'd played together every now and then with Ray's mess that he called a band.

The band was nameless, and more just Ray and a couple of his friends from here and there that played instruments. There was Patrick: a drummer and guitarist, who had a voice that blew everyone away. Gerard met him when he went over to Ray's in search of Frank after he'd been there for nearly five hours. They hit it off really well, and it felt nice to know more than just one person in the entire state.

Then there was Dallon, who played bass and towered over everyone else in the band. He had a weird sense of humor, but Frank and Gerard quickly took a liking to him. He could sing as well, and it was somewhat of a miracle that they had found people to be around that they had things in common with.

Patrick and Dallon lived a couple miles away, in the same neighborhood. The three of them went to school together, Ray told them one night while they were all hanging out. They all had Frank and Gerard crying of laughter when they retold their hilarious high school stories in Ray's living room.

Their neighbors on the opposite side were an old couple, who Gerard and Frank were a bit afraid to talk to. They had only seen them out a couple times, so they naturally didn't know their names. Hopefully their first encounter would be a pleasant one, that's all they could hope for.

They had come to greatly enjoy living on their own, even if it did come with quite a few responsibilities. Remembering back to the time when they had to sneak into each other's rooms felt like an eternity ago, when in reality: it was only three years prior. Back then, they would have killed to wake up next to each other every day, relishing in the warm heat of their shared bed.

Sometimes, after they'd fucked, Frank would curl his slightly smaller body around Gerard and trace the tattoo on his shoulder blade. It had faded in the slightest, although it remained very visible on Gerard's pale skin.

"Why do you always do that?" Gerard asked, becoming aware of Frank tracing the year on his skin. It was a sweet and calming gesture, but he just had to ask.

Frank pulled his hand away and placed it on Gerard's bare stomach instead. "Nostalgia."

"But I'm right here, surely you can't be nostalgic over me," Gerard pointed out. Frank's hands felt cold on his stomach, but he wouldn't dare remove them. Instead, he placed his own hands on top of them.

Frank cuddled further into the crook of his neck, if that was possible. "I'm not, it just makes me think about meeting you for the first time," he spoke - the memories that flashed in his mind caused him to smile. "You were so awkward."

Gerard pouted, and set his cold feet on Frank's shins; his idea of revenge. "Was I really that bad?"

"No, I was pretty awkward too. I thought you were cute and I wanted to kiss you right in that record store," Frank admitted. He could see the image of Gerard on that day in his head so clearly, almost as if it happened minutes ago.

Frank couldn't see it, but Gerard's face flushed pink. "And I was afraid that you'd think I was weird or something and never speak to me again."

"Nonsense. Even if you never fell in love with me, I think we'd still be pretty close." Frank thought back to nearly three years ago, when he was so ecstatic to simply be in Gerard's presence. "You know, you're not just a pretty face and a nice body. You're a good person as well."

Gerard exhaled noisily. "Are you only saying that because you just fucked me?"

Frank giggled and kissed the exposed skin underneath Gerard's ear. "Course not. I thought that before we ever even kissed."

Gerard turned himself around in Frank's arms, his hands now on his lower back. He felt so happy there in bed, tangled up in sheets and so full of love that he could burst. "It's good to know that you're not just with me for my looks."

"Do you think I would've moved across the fucking _country_ with you if I wasn't blatantly in love with you?" Frank asked, eyes staring directly into Gerard's.

Gerard knew the correct answer to that question, but he didn't answer it. Instead, he crashed his lips onto Frank's lips. He kissed him like he didn't know how to do anything else, and perhaps, in that moment, Gerard knew that they would stick together no matter the circumstance. They formed a bond unlike they had ever experienced before with another person. Marks were made; imprints that would stand the test of time.

 

_June 6, 1984_

Mikey missed his brother like hell, perhaps even more than his parents did. They grew up together, sharing everything and spending a ton of time together. He couldn't wait for Frank and Gerard to fly in again; they had back in December for Christmas, and were planning to return in a few months.

He'd become used to not having his brother around - it got easier as time progressed. Gerard's vacant bedroom was now occupied by Mikey's bass and amps. He liked having somewhere to play, but at the same time, it felt like he was invading Gerard's personal space, even if it wasn't really his anymore. The walls had seen so much of his brother, and Mikey sometimes half expected them to reveal his secrets.

Gerard's bed was still in the room, and his parents told him he could take it down and put it in their basement so he could have more room for his own stuff.  Mikey got working on that right away, and when he lifted the box spring of the bed, he found something. It appeared to be a makeup bag.

Mikey squinted his eyes and bent down to pick the foreign item up off the floor. It was dark blue, and he could hear things rattling around inside it as he tilted it. Curiosity got the best of him, because he tugged on the zipper until the bag was open: revealing what was inside.

There was all kinds of eye shadows, mascaras, and eyeliners in different colors. Mikey was confused at first, thinking that maybe the stuff was Lindsey's, and it just got slipped back there by accident. He then begun to doubt the possibility of that, concluding that it was most likely Gerard's makeup that he didn't want anyone to know about.

Mikey stood there for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. He decided to put the stuff in his room, then maybe he would get around to shipping it back to Gerard.

 

_June 17, 1984_

The doorbell sounded in Frank and Gerard's house, loud enough that they heard it from their upstairs bedroom. It was nearly ten in the morning on a lazy Sunday, and they were cuddled up in bed together. They both looked at each other, silently wishing the other to get out of bed and see who or what it was.

In the end, it was Frank who took one for the team and hopped out of bed. He slipped on Gerard's sweatpants, just in case it was an actual person at the door. When he looked through the peephole, there was no one there. He opened the door and looked down - a box was sat upon the doormat.

He picked it up and looked at the shipping information on the top of it. "Gee, it's for you!" he shouted up the stairs after he shut the door.

Gerard heard him coming back up the steps, so he sat up in bed. "Really?"

"Yeah, it says it's from Mikey." Frank held the box out to Gerard.

He ripped open the box and discovered a bunch of packing peanuts. Digging through the little box, his hands brushed something familiar. He pulled out his makeup bag, the one that he had hidden in his room. Shit, he thought. He forgot to bring it with him when they left the previous year.

Frank laughed, "no fucking way! I was wondering where that got to."

Gerard blushed, opening the bag and finding a folded up piece of lined paper inside. He unfolded it, and oh fucking hell: he was going to kill his brother.

_Hey Gerard,_

_Found something in your room that you might want back. It took me a minute to figure out if it was yours or not. Then I realized that yeah, you would totally hide makeup in your room. You can thank me later. Love you, you giant dork._

_Mikey xx_

"I hate my brother." Gerard didn't mean it, but sometimes he wish he did. He handed the note to Frank, who was sat next to him on the bed.

Frank read the note and burst into laughter. "Aw, he's hilarious. Hey, at least I can watch you put it on again, like that one time."

Gerard gave him a look. "In your dreams, fuckface."

"Please?" Frank was leaning in so that his breath was tickling Gerard's neck. Sometimes, Gerard really wanted to kill him too. The people he loved could be such a pain in the ass.

"Fine, I will. Just not right now," Gerard gave in, and leaned into Frank. He started trailing little kisses down his neck and back up again - the package from Mikey long forgotten.

 

_September 10, 1984_

Days rolled on by, and summer came and went before their eyes. They learned to love the summertime in Seattle; the temperature was much cooler than it was in Newark. It was cool enough to leave the windows open at night, instead of running the AC. Gerard loved feeling the cool midnight breeze on his skin - nothing was more relaxing than that, he reckoned.

Work was a bit of a drag, but once they got home: it was like they never left. They would spend as much time together as they could, as if they could never get enough of each other, and perhaps they couldn't. Nights that weren't spent bonding together were spent at Ray's house, hanging out and jamming with him and his friends. Ray was so cool that he even had a ping pong table in his garage, and they'd all play each other every now and then. Frank was terrible at the game, but Gerard thought his attempts at serving were far too adorable for his own good.

Now that summer was over, Gerard would be returning to his classes, thus his job would become part-time instead of full-time. He was sort of excited to start a new semester of classes, because that meant that he was one semester closer to getting his degree, and then he could hopefully do what he dreamed of doing.

When he called his family, he told them all about how happy he was. Even on days he felt like the work he was doing was monotonous, Gerard still looked forward to better days. He was certainly very happy, although he had invasive thoughts sometimes; they were loud, and told him that he was doing everything all wrong. He learned not to listen to them over time, and instead, he trusted his own intuition.

Sometimes, Gerard felt like shit for no reason at all. He would get down and it was extremely hard to pull himself up out of his little ruts he created for himself. Frank always noticed when something seemed off with him.

"Are you alright, Gee? You're sulking." Frank walked over to the couch and sat down beside Gerard. He was lying down, but his eyes were open - they held a dull light to them.

Gerard shrugged, "I'm fine... just worried I think."

Frank put his hand on his shoulder, squeezing it. "What are you worrying about?"

That was something that Gerard hardly knew himself, but he could figure it out. "I'm not sure. It's almost like... guilt. Maybe I'm policing my own emotions subconsciously or something, and I won't let myself get too happy."

Frank laid down next to him, squishing him into the back of the couch. "School been frying your brain?"

Gerard found it in himself to stifle a laugh. "Probably, I just feel weird. This happens a lot, where I feel great and then it all comes crashing down over nothing at all. It fucking sucks." He found himself curling into Frank's warmth, somehow hoping that he could hide from his own thoughts that way.

"Well, just know that I'm always here for you - whenever you need me. When you feel like shit, it makes me feel like shit too," Frank countered, wishing he could take all of Gerard's worries away. He didn't need any added stress in his life, he already had enough to deal with.

Gerard felt Frank settle his hands on his waist, gripping him like he didn't want to ever let go. "Thank you. Just... don't let my mood make you feel shitty. I'm a mess sometimes, and that's really it." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, wishing he and Frank were magically transported to the future somehow.

But that could never happen, and perhaps the future wouldn't be all that he made it out to be in his head. Nothing was truly predictable. Gerard's only hope was that he would be happier, and not have to feel weirdly guilty for being happy with not much at all.

 

_December 25, 1984_

Coming home for Christmas felt strange for them, even after doing it for a second time. It still felt odd that Washington wasn't their home from the get go, because it sure as hell felt like it there.

Frank was never the fan of planes, but they vowed to never drive all the way across the country ever again. It was quite the experience, with so much to see along the way, however: the drive was simply too long. It came with the added stress of finding a hotel to stay in and a place to eat for every meal, so it wasn't all that great in the end. A handful of hours on a plane was marginally better than days spent cramped in a car.

Frank spent some time with his family, exchanging presents and talking about how his life was going on the other side of the country. He couldn't help but gush about Gerard, and even though some of his relatives didn't know about the two of them, he didn't care. He found it difficult to care what they thought when he was so happy with his life.

After he'd had his fill of his mother's cooking and the conversation went stale, he went to hang out with Gerard and his family. What Gerard didn't tell him was that Lindsey and Dewees would be there, so it would be a surprise.

"Holy shit, Gerard, Frank's here!" Lindsey exclaimed as she pulled back the curtain, looking down onto the sidewalk as he was approaching.

Before Gerard and Dewees could even think about exiting Gerard's old room, she was flying down the stairs to open the door for Frank. They shared a laugh, and went after her.

Frank saw the door fly open, and before his brain could process it, he was in a bone crushing hug with two of his old bandmates. "Wow, you guys are here," Frank breathed out after they let him go. "Gerard never said anything about-"

"It was supposed to be a surprise," Gerard cut in. He was ecstatic to be with all of his old friends again - it felt so right.

"Well, I'm surprised." Frank looked at Lindsey and Dewees, and couldn't help but notice that they looked a little bit different. Perhaps they weren't just kids trying to get a record deal anymore, and they were adults now with passions and plenty of things to do.

For a little while, they sat in Gerard's old room and talked. They wasted their time like there would always be more of it, and maybe, in that moment: it felt like there was an infinite amount of time to waste. So when it was getting darker outside, and the sun was setting into an orange line in the sky, they walked around Newark like they were so much younger.

The lights of the city were bright and more beautiful than ever before. If Gerard squinted his eyes enough, the lights looked like they would shine on for miles. Perhaps their brilliant shine would reach so far that they would touch down upon their front porch on the other side of the country. He could dream.

Even though Gerard had everything he needed in New Jersey, and could have easily stayed there instead of enduring a move across the country, he and Frank both knew that they needed out of that place. It wasn't the worst place to be, especially during the holidays, but they didn't belong there. They belonged in Seattle, a place where they would continue to build the rest of the lives.

Saying goodbye to Lindsey and Dewees almost brought tears to their eyes, but they hugged them tightly and uttered their soft goodbyes anyway. They both knew that they would see them again, that there would be a next time. That thought gave them wonderful peace of mind.

Frank went back to his parent's house, and Gerard decided to spend the night with him. They were flying back to Seattle in the morning, and Ray would be picking them up from the airport to take them back home. Another year was rapidly approaching, and they had many things to do.

 

_June 8, 1987_

Frank was on the verge of tears, because holy fuck, he was so proud of Gerard. He graduated university with his teaching degree, and he was ready to go out and inspire kids for a living. He didn't care if Gerard was embarrassed by Frank clinging to him out in the open where anyone could see them, that didn't matter to him in that moment.

"I am so _proud_ of you," Frank whispered in Gerard's ear, and gave him one last squeeze before he let him go.

Gerard felt like he was on the verge of tears as well, but he pushed the feeling away as he walked towards his family to embrace them all. They had all flown to Seattle for the first time, and they loved the place more than Gerard originally thought they would. They were staying at a hotel, since Frank and Gerard's place was much too small to accommodate three more people for the night.

"This is amazing, Gerard. Words cannot express how proud I am of you." Donna was embracing her son like she hadn't seen him in forever, and it certainly felt like that after nearly four years of him living across the country.

Gerard hugged her back, smiling. He was so happy, more happy than when he and Frank moved. "Thanks Mom, love you."

"We love you so much," she replied before she pulled away. "Hey, what made you wanna do that to your hair?"

Frank laughed, unable to keep it in. Gerard gave him the look he always gave him whenever he was being a little shit, which was quite often. "I don't know, I needed a change I guess. You think the red suits me?"

"Actually, it does. You look so good, you're practically glowing. I'm so glad you're happy," Donna said, fixing a strand of Gerard's freshly dyed hair so it wasn't sticking straight up.

"Hey, be glad Momma Way approves. She'd be on your case if she didn't," Mikey chimed in, purely for the banter. Gerard forgot how much he loved to rile everybody up.

Gerard rolled his eyes, "Mikey, I'm twenty-four years old. I sure as hell hope that me dying my hair bright red wouldn't be a problem."

Before he knew it, he was being embraced by his slightly taller younger brother, and he realized how much he loved his family. They meant so much to him - that was something he didn't understand until he moved over two thousand miles away from them.

Later that day, Gerard showed them around his and Frank's place, and they went on and on about how cute it was. Certainly they weren't wrong; it was cozy and small. Gerard had come to adore its charm over the years, and it felt a special type of lived in after time passed.

They stayed for a little while, after Frank made everyone dinner and they played some music. Gerard couldn't wipe the smile off his face; he was so happy he could cry. He felt he didn't deserve such happiness, but then he realized that he worked so hard to build a new life, and that's exactly what he achieved.

Ten years prior, he never even dreamed of getting as far as he had. He thought that Newark was all he had - that there were limits to where he could go and what he could do with his life. As he got older, and his eyes opened up to the real world, Gerard realized that he could do almost anything he put his mind to. There were no limits: Newark wasn't a prison. He could go wherever he wanted to, he just needed to take the risks and not worry the entire time if things would work out or not.

After his family left and returned to their hotel rooms, he kissed Frank, and although that was nothing new; Gerard felt as if everything had changed. Perhaps it was the fact that he was so much happier than he was before, and that set everything in a brand new light. Frank felt him smiling into the kiss, and yeah: Gerard was one happy motherfucker.

 

_June 11, 1991_

"Ten years," Frank drawled into his ear. Gerard had no idea how early it was, but it was before sunrise.

The room was cast in the dim glow of a streetlight outside, and the slats of the blinds blocked some of that light. Gerard blinked his eyes open and stretched his limbs, realizing that he was smack up against Frank. He turned his body around so that he was facing him - he was met with Frank's half-lidded eyes. A gentle smile made its way to Gerard's face.

"I can't believe I met you ten years ago," Gerard whispered, but even then his voice felt too loud. "We were so young."

Frank tangled his fingers in Gerard's hair; it was back to his signature black, instead of the bright red he sported for nearly two years. No matter the color or style, Frank loved his hair. As his tired mind was waking up, plenty of thoughts were racing through his head. "I love you," he blurted out.

"I love you too," Gerard replied, chest feeling light and airy. He snuggled closer to Frank, and he felt arms envelope him. He loved when Frank held him - it made him feel so safe and warm.

Frank put his head on Gerard's shoulder, and enjoyed the closeness. Soon enough, he'd have to get out of bed and go to work. Gerard wouldn't; he had the summer off, and Frank was a bit jealous of that. At least his job was fun, though. All he did was teach kids how to play guitar and occasionally work the register at the music store. He didn't mind his job, he'd just rather be at home with Gerard snuggled into him.

It was incredibly early, four-thirty in the morning in fact, and Frank's stomach was a little sick from the topic he was thinking about bringing up, but he did it anyway. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," Gerard replied, his heartbeat picking up speed in his chest.

Frank paused, trying to figure out how to say it. "If we could... get married, _legally_... would you marry me?"

Gerard kinda felt like he could die, simply because he wasn't prepared for such a question, especially so early in the morning. He didn't think he'd ever be prepared to be asked that question, let alone answer it. "Frank... of course I would. If we live to see the day when they finally do legalize it, I don't care if we're eighty years old and can no longer walk, I'll fucking marry you."

It felt odd; talking about marriage, since it was something they never really discussed. Sure, they'd been to Mikey's wedding, but they didn't talk about themselves getting hitched. In the ten years they'd known each other, that was one thing they never talked about, and now, they were talking about it at four in the morning.

Frank didn't know what he felt, but happiness was definitely there. He felt as if he could go right back to sleep - the weight of sleep sat lazily upon his head. He couldn't do it, though; their conversation was far too important for that. "For real? Like that's... that's _commitment_ , and I-"

"I mean it, Frankie. There's no one else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with." Gerard's hands were on his shoulders now, and Frank was looking him straight in the eye. He couldn't see much, since the room was quite dark, although he could see the whites of Gerard's eyes.

Frank could tell that he meant it. After all the time they spent together, he learned a lot about Gerard. He could read him like an open book, as if it was the easiest thing he'd ever done. Others could never decode him in the same way Frank had, simply because Gerard showed him sides of himself that no one else had ever seen before.

He loved him, and perhaps he knew that he would on the day they met in the record shop. Something had struck him, and although it certainly wasn't love at first sight, it was something like intuition. Frank could picture themselves listening to that Siouxsie and the Banshees album like it just happened - the memory remained fresh in his mind. Sometimes he would close his eyes and picture it deliberately, so it stayed as fresh as the day it happened.

And that very moment became similar to the moment they met, because Frank's brain was recording it all in fine detail. Gerard's words echoed in his ears, and he couldn't stop hearing them. He loved Gerard, he loved him so fucking much, so he pressed his lips to the corner of his mouth, and trailed kisses all along his neck and collarbones. He heard Gerard sigh happily; a hum that reassured Frank in knowing that everything in his life was so fantastic.

Gerard grabbed one of his tattooed hands and slotted his fingers in between the spaces, curling them around the lettering on his knuckles. Frank stopped kissing his skin, and instead, opted for his lips. The kiss was chaste, and left Gerard thinking about everything that involved their little world they built together.

"We could probably go back to sleep, you know. You don't start work until seven," Gerard spoke soft. He was feeling rather tired, his eyelids beginning to fail on him.

Frank let go of Gerard's hand, and brought him closer to his chest, which was also heavily tattooed. "We can do that."

-

An hour passed, with Frank holding a sleeping Gerard, and he laid there wide awake. The tired feeling he felt was gone once the man in his arms fell asleep. He couldn't move or get up, fearing that he would disturb Gerard's peaceful slumber, so he stayed put. Watching the sun rise and the sky change color through the blinds was only fun for so long.

Frank had an idea, but it required moving. Perhaps he could slide out of Gerard's grip and grab the photo album from the shelf across the room. Carefully, he inched away from him, until he was out of their bed entirely. Gerard didn't wake up, and Frank smiled as he took the photo album off the dusty shelf.

It included all the pictures taken of them together or during the time they were together, from 1981 and forward. It was only a little over halfway filled, and it would surely be once he put all their newly developed photos in it. Frank smiled as he opened to the first page. The pictures took him back to Newark in 1981, when they were shitty adults who gave each other average stick and poke tattoos. He didn't think himself to be a very nostalgic person, but looking at the pictures in the glow of early morning light was making him think back to those days again.

There was one of Gerard in front of one of those toy machines that are always outside of supermarkets, with his hand in his hair. There was also one of Frank in his school uniform, which he didn't miss one bit. They were both polaroids, and if there was one thing Frank missed: it was his old polaroid. He brought it with them when they moved, but lost track of it shortly after. He was hoping he'd find it again someday.

Frank looked at the polaroid of himself again, and remembered when Gerard drew the both of them. He framed it and gave it to Frank for Christmas all those years ago, and it was hanging in their living room. That was the photo he used for reference.

Another photo was in the slot next to those: a picture of the street at night, which Frank had taken when him, Gerard, and Lindsey went to see Black Flag. They had become one of Frank's all time favorite bands - he even got a tattoo of their logo on his arm. He always thought it was funny how things worked out.

On the next page, a picture of Gerard smiling in front of a birthday cake with nineteen candles lit stared back at him. He didn't have to count the candles in the picture to know how many there were; he was there when the picture was taken. Frank smiled back at the photograph, as if he was exchanging pleasantries with the past.

There were so many photos from around that time: ones Frank didn't look at as often as he would have liked to. One of his favorites was one of the two of them sat on the floor together, with records spread all over. If Frank remembered correctly, Dewees took the picture on a night they were all hanging out together.

A couple pages later, past a bunch of pictures of the two of them clinging to each other's sides and kissing each other on the cheek, were photos of their old band. Although Death Spells didn't make it very far, the memory of their time together as a real band held a special place in Frank's heart. He got sentimental when he thought about the demo tapes they made. God, he hadn't listened to them in years. They were up in their attic somewhere, buried in a cardboard box along with all the original handwritten copies of their lyrics.

Frank put his finger on a picture of Gerard with his eyes closed, and a microphone in his hands. He was on his knees, on Dewees' basement floor. They had some songs they played a lot that struck a chord with Gerard, and he'd get so into performing them that all else seemed to fade away. Frank loved watching him sing, because he made every word sound venomous, yet meaningful at the same time.

Another picture caught his eye - one with the four of them together. Lindsey was laughing with her arm around Gerard, and Frank was leaning into his side. Dewees stood next to Lindsey - he looked like he was laughing as well. Frank missed being with all of them. They only saw each other in the flesh when they visited their families back home, which was only once or twice a year.

He flicked past a few more pages full of pictures of him and Gerard, along with their friends and families. Soon enough, the pictures weren't taken in Newark, but Seattle instead. Frank smiled, because they came so far from all those years ago.

It seemed as though they got even happier when they moved; it was truly evident in the photographs. There were ones of Frank playing his guitar, and Gerard painting in the attic. He created a little art studio in the first section of their attic, so he could make as much of a mess as he pleased. Along with his teaching job, he also did some art commissions, which made him incredibly happy. Frank could tell that he loved what he did.

Frank had no idea how much time passed while he was looking at the pictures, so it shocked him when he felt a hand on his arm. He looked over and his eyes were met with Gerard's soft ones. "I see you're looking at our photo album," he said, as he sat up and shuffled closer to Frank, resting his head on his shoulder.

"Yeah, it's just... weird that all of this happened just because we both happened to be at the same record store at the same time." Frank turned to look at Gerard again, and kissed the top of his head.

"Well, I guess things are spontaneous like that. Imagine if I would've stayed in bed that morning instead, I wonder what life would be like." Gerard took his own words into consideration, and the thought of not having Frank in his life made his heart drop.

Frank turned the page, revealing more recent pictures. "If we never met, we'd both still be stuck in Newark probably. I don't think I ever would have had the guts to leave if it wasn't for you," he admitted for the first time. Even after so many years of being together, they still learned new things about each other quite often.

"Honestly, I probably would've stayed if it wasn't for you. I had a lot of dreams, but I never made progress with them." Gerard sighed happily, because the past he once knew was so far away. "My life changed after I met you, and I know it sounds cliché, but it's true."

"Mine did too," Frank replied, as his eyes stared holes into the photographs before him. "You changed everything."

They spent a little while longer looking at the pictures and making fun of their old hairstyles, until they got out of bed to make breakfast. Frank got ready to leave for work, and as Gerard kissed him goodbye, he felt so happy that he could feel it pumping through his veins.

 

_December 3, 2003_

Gerard was roaming around the second part of their attic: the one where they put all the things they didn't really use anymore, and he felt like he was in a time capsule. All of their old things were there, stuff that served no purpose other than to collect dust. Gerard was there to look for their Christmas decorations, but he found himself sidetracked.

There were various boxes with labels written in black sharpie - stacked nearly to the roof of the house. Even after looking for a good ten minutes, Gerard couldn't find a box labeled 'Christmas'. He decided to start looking through random boxes, because he had no clue where they possibly could be.

Glancing around, his eyes landed on a box with no label on it. Perhaps the label was hidden away on the other side, where the box was wedged between another box. Gerard found himself on that side of the attic space, and he had to stand on his tip toes to get a hold of the box. When he brought the box down, Gerard noticed that it wasn't closed like all their other ones were: it was open and there were records in it.

He quickly set the box down on top of a dusty table, and soon discovered a couple sets of Christmas lights in the box. He grabbed them and put them aside, then turned back to the records. Gerard remembered when they packed and put them away, because they got a new sound system that didn't hook up to a record player. Records became obsolete over the years, anyway.

The first one in the pile was a double LP of _Louder than Bombs_ by The Smiths. Gerard remembered being obsessed with that record, and band, for quite some time. A smile found its way to his face as he held it in his hands. The next in the pile was _Faith_ by The Cure, which wasn't even his, it was Frank's. Gerard wanted to show him what he found after so many years, so he set them aside with the Christmas lights.

When he picked up the rest of the pile, he noticed an iconic cover peeking out. Gerard quickly put them back down and pulled the record out - his mouth dropped open. It was _Juju_ by Siouxsie and the Banshees, the very record that he and Frank met over. He held it in his hands, and stared at the cover in wonder. The sleeve itself was pretty beat, but that was because they played it so much over the years.

So many memories flooded into his brain, and for a moment, Gerard thought he was going to cry. He wasn't one for sentimental things, although that one record was enough to cause him to feel the sudden emotions.

He then reached back to touch the faded tattoo that remained on his skin after nearly twenty-three years had passed since he got it. It was the only tattoo he ever got, and it would remain so. Gerard wasn't a fan of needles; he was lucky that Frank was as good as he was with stick and poke tattoos back in the day.

Gerard left the box out, grabbing the record and the Christmas lights, and made his way down the narrow staircase to the attic. He ran into Frank at the bottom, and he excitedly flicked the light on.

"Frank, look," Gerard held up the lights. "I found the lights, and something else I think you might like to see." He then thrusted the record into Frank's hands, watching his eyes light up in recognition.

"Holy shit! I thought we lost this, for some reason." Frank gaped at the record, as he ran his fingers over the embossed lettering of the title. "We should have this on display somewhere."

Gerard smiled, "yeah, we should. It's a relic."

So as Frank decorated the tree with the lights he brought from the attic, Gerard found a place for the record - the bookshelf right next to their computer desk in the extra room. It sat proudly there, as if it felt better to be out of the cold attic and in the warmth of the house.

Gerard stood back and looked at it once more, grinning widely. That record started a timeline of events, and it would inevitably continue for the rest of their lives. Gerard left the room with that in mind, as he went to help Frank decorate the Christmas tree.


End file.
